lovely angels

A Student's Prayer...

2005-05-17T19:19:00.000-07:00

Lord, grant me a quiet heart before the exams start
Lead me to use my leisure hour to invigorate your power
My mind from day dreams liberate
Give me the will to concentrate
From all distractions
Set me free that in my studies
I may be a student with sole fulfillment
To make my work a sacrament

From my faint heart in love expel
All failure, fears that here indwell
And from my pillow drive away
All foreboding of the day
Help me in faith to rest so deep
That i may have untroubled sleep
While notes and lessons I prepare
May I not lose my zeal in prayer

May i not forget to look
For guidance in Thy Book
And may I ever be grateful to all
Who daily pray for me
For myself I intercede for other students too I plead
So may exams find me alert in heart and mind

Thus inward Joy and Peace possessing
May exams prove a source of Blessings

=A student's prayer=

*juZ shariNg.. it's useful for the future examinations!

2 dayS of fabulouS food.. wiLL i groW fat..?

2005-05-16T12:31:00.000-07:00

went out to celebrate mothers' day wif my cousins n other relatives on sat at TM... wasn't sure bout the name but i think it's "Din Tai Fung"... dunno lahx... well... get to c my lovely cute baby cousin again... she gave me a hug n a KISS! wooo... (='.'=) blushinG... hahax... but was so surprised... den i taught her a word call p-i-n-e-a-p-p-l-e.. lolx... coz she was wearing the shoe wif a pineapple on it u c... den the way she says pineapple is so cute... hahx... wished i could spend more time wif her... but my aunt got home after dat... so too bad... went shopping after dat... bought a bag for the camp... i find my bags at home too small... lolx..

den u noe wad...? sunday the next day n once again we went out to eat.. this time is only me, brother n mum... coz my brother wanted to bring my mum out last sun but becoz i gotta sit for exams u c... we went Meritus Mandarin Hotel...(orchard) it's at level 39 ... whoosh... n i tell u wad... the platform juz turn slowly... i was wondering y the water in the glass was shaking... n becoz i sat in the opposite direction.. i mean not the direction dat the platform thingy was moving so i felt real giddy... makes me feel like vomitting... well.. i'm juz useless... be in on bus for long or even cruise... i'll juz be car-sick n so on... erkS... the food was real ex... a small glass of orange juice can cost $7.50... but nvm my brother rich arhx... lolx..

2 days continuosly... guess i'll grow fat... hahx..

was giving dat sum1 a last msg.. so after which unless necessary i'll not sms dat person anymore... sumtimes i tot y b so thick-skinned when dat person dunn even bother... n as usual was disppointed wif all those replies.. arhx.. forget it... i'm done wif teh letter.. left the wrapping of the thing n another gift for the bd... guess i'll juz pass directly... n den after which i'll nv bother u again...

was thinking of wad wei said ytd... perhaps she's rite... we nv noe wad is happening... at times we're juz out dere to console ourselves n not wanting to face the fact... had a dream juz now... it's early in the morning i guess.. guess i'm putting too much into this matter if not i wouldn't dream abt this... n now the dream makes me more determined... i'm determined this time... perhaps the dream seemed true in sum way...

will pass u the thing very soon.. i rather things settled fast den to drag over a period of time...

++ to foRgeT n buRy everYthiNg insidE.... ++

eveR siNce thE daY u weRe goNe...i juZ felT i'M a nobodY

2005-05-14T22:59:00.000-07:00

exams r over n i'm finally back here... miss me..? lolx... nv miss also muz sae miss arhx.. if not i beri sad de... CrapS.... i hadn't been crappy for long so juz let me be ya..?

everythink dat was put aside during the exam period now nid to b pushed back to my side again...

still thinking back of those things....i hate myself for not being able to let go those stuffs n ended up in such a despair state... sumtimes when u really mean well for sum1 n wanted the best of him/her... he/she juz doesn't noe... i tot my dat sumbody will understand my intention but i was wrong... y... y muz it be u who's making me so miserable...? sigh... i wonder y i still keep dat useless-to-other-ppl thing wif me... sigh... but at least i noe it wasn't at all useless to me... coz it keeps me back to those times when those memories stay n i rmb how i got to take hold of dat "useless thing"... sumtimes when i m really mad, or rather too disppointed.. i juz feel like throwing it again... but i can't bring myself to do so... i noe my "useless thing" in exchange isn't wif dat person anymore... for it meant nth to dat person... well... take it as i'm very negative sided... but juz to say i noe dat person too well till i can juz give an accurate prediction of wad's going to happen...

wondering wad i'm tokin abt...? or rather can guess wad i'm tokin abt...? haishh.. dunn wanna disclose coz lotsa ppl will ask... i dunn like the feeling of being questioned actually... juz dat i can no longer tolerate the 4ever disappointment feeling in me so i gotta splurt things here.. ignore me for dat...

was thinking bout wad sum1 says previously n i found it real true... y the ending is always becumin foe..? i dunn wan it to b tiz way so i chose to be THICK-SKINNED n do those things dat i nv once do for anyone else... i meant well... but since dat sum1 doesn't noe... forget it... i'm tired of everythink for so many yrs... i shld juz wrap dat useless thing up n pass it back to u... n by den u receive it... i dunn wish for anythink else... juz u realisin dat my useless thing in exchange isn't wif u anymore... u'll noe how much i treasure dat... sigh

i shld haf given u back long time ago... sry for everythink...

This time i wun hesitate... i'll juz giv u back wad's meant to b urs n not mine...

still the same old phrase: ever sinCe the daY u werE goNe... i juZ felt liKe a nobodY....

==i shld juZ let bygoNes be bygonEs for thE pasT will nV returN no matteR how muCH i yeaRn for it to returN... everyThinK has cHanged... u'rE no loNger thE one i noe... n i'm no longeR thE one u noe..... ==

i canT accepT the faCt....

2005-04-24T16:32:00.000-07:00

wad's happening to me lately...? ppl once asked if i was ok n i told dem i was fine... m i really fine..? i myself haf no ans to dat.... i found out dat i no longer understands myself... wad izzit dat i actually wanted...? n wad izzit dat i hated...? i have no ans to them...

i noe no one will noe wad i'm toking bout here but dat's becoz i dunn wanna disclose... well.. the speech day works well... happy for everyone when mrs shanker came in n said we did a great job... can i say b4 dat was like a "dark circus"...? i dunno...

they mean well.. i thank dem for dat... shld i say i'm foolish to trace back the past footsteps..? or rather i din noe in the first place i was heading towards the wrong way...

wrote in DD lotsa things dat flashed thrugh my mind... was it juz an act in the first place or a sincere concern..? i really wonder... so much hopes in me has wither... i dunno y... i'm beginning to realise the trick out of everythink... n i'll nv nv believe in it again becoz it takes so much time so much pain to....

==== drEams n0 loNgeR aliVe.... ====

tHe hatrEd amonGst aLL...

2005-04-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

sianz. cannot go blogging again.. cannot go online again... my com is real sick... wait till i change u den u noe... erm.. talking to my com.. lolx...

well previously lotsa things happen till i forget wad i wann rite here... lotsa of u heard bout the gold award dat we achieve yea..? well.. we were real shocked... i even shouted upon hearing the news frm lala... n now lotsa ppl was like dunn believe we got tiz kinda standard... sigh.. nvm lahx... our hardwork for abt 1 yr..? pays off...

training hard for speech day n another item wif the malay dance... tell u wad we gotta use pong pong sehh.. will b like clown on stage..? haishh... c how things go on the actual day den..

well... i've got such a feeling dat i dun wanna go back in time again.. wad for...? there's ppl who knows u but choose not to know u... there's ppl who juz put on a mask n hide their real identity... i choose to rmb every single one of u... but u ppl choose not to... so after all i'm juz a thick-skinned one... a stranger n a nobody... so sad to noe dat i've made the wrong palx from dat period of 6yrs in sch life... sigh... no matter wad i'll still rmb u ppl... dat's y i nv wanna let go anyone of u frm the very beginning... i choose to b closer to u ppl .. taking every opportunity to hang out once in a while but everythink seems so cold... the once sweet looking gurlx has changed.. my once dearest "mama" has changed... n my dearest best friends from dat period of time have gone... no longer call me... no longer send greeting cards, or write letters... it's always me taking the initiative to call to rite n to send... nvm... perhaps now.. i can only treasure those i have.... juz a simple simple fact....

going for buffet at 5pm ltr... to celebrate we getting the gold award... well... hope it'll b enjoyable dere...

* daYs roTten... caN nV be thE freSh perioD anYmore.... GoodbyE memoRies.... *

tHe sicK spiriT...

2005-04-10T04:40:00.000-07:00

sigh.. it's SYF tml... juz hope everythink runs smoothly... will pray hard tnite..

we gotta tie plaits to sch tml... makes me feel so unwilling to go to sch... sigh... will be like hoping dat dere's a hole sumwhere i can place my head inside... haishh... will b waking up real early tml.. imagine me still half awake...? tying my hair..? yawN...

came online juz now n many juniors of mine wished me gd luck! hahx... duno wad to say... coz.. nvm... tkz for tht tot anyway...

gotta leave class at 9.15 sharp tml... will miss class... n me.. dunn at all feel any sense of anxiety... juz too sick of the dance... but will do my best...

nth much tday... will juz stop here den... gd luck to all for the SYF!

==aloNg thE roaD i fouNd obstaclEs aND alonG the obstacles, i found u... == a tRue frenz?

a daY of relief peRhaPs...

2005-04-08T09:10:00.000-07:00

it's friday once again... din noe y time passed so fast without me realising dat soon mon will be here soon... it's SYF on mon... we'll b leaving class at 9.15am... GOOD LUCK to us...? hahx... no such nid... coz most of us haf given up... i hate the feeling or thought to give up but has no choice either.. well since having comments mean talking to the wall... y bother..?

GOLD award...? wait till nxt 2 yrs when we've graduated and starting our first yr in either poly or JC.. so dunn haf to pin the hopes on us... coz miracles will nv happen tiz time round... even if it does, juz like wad dat sickening instructor says: " the judge has no taste at all" well... let it b den... be happy dat we can get a bronze award back... we'll nv do as well as the past 2yrs... NV..

dat sickening instructor din cum 2 teach tday which i WAS really happy about... at least my day wouldnt b spoiled by this... came our previous one and at least he treats us beta which really made it a day when we were willing to practice hard... n yes i mean WAS in bold... coz tml dat sickening monster will b back again... n so unless it strikes 1pm, dunn expect urself to b release from "prison"... sigh... forget it.. cum speech day n we'll revert back to the previous steps which we really like b4 he changed and after dat we wun b having cca till july... which i doubt initially coz those words dunn at all seemed trustworthy to me frm the very beginning... coz the same thing always repeat itself be it holidays or wad... gotta rmb to bring the "bandage" for me knee tml.. b4 more damage is done to my knee.. hopefully i'll rmb...

was feeling so tired for the whole day.. kept yawning... n ppl tot i was crying.. lolx.. to tell u i dunn at all love crying kkiex...? lolx.. makes it sound as if i'm a cry baby... ='( well.. physics lesson.. ms neo was calling yvonne to ans e que n i was like listening to wad ting was saying den repeating or rather copying after her n ms neo heard it... she says: yvonne absent..?! oops shldnt have said it rite infront of her den she asked wads my name n was so pai sehh lo... ppl in particular keep calling me princess... alamak... den ms neo also call... haishh... din ans the que coz i duno how to... Mary kept calling my chi name... sianz... n me juz refuse to reply her.. lolx.. i juz dunn like my chi name... so dunn take it to heart worx...

will b busy buying presents this few days... too many ppl bd fall on april... wahh... me going bankrupt... lolx...

=::: msN niCk: wHy botHer bouT me whEn u'vE alreadY decidEd to ignoRe me frM the veRy begiNning....:::=

dEn i began to realisE everytHink waS juZ a "passeR-bY"

Castle...

2005-04-06T13:00:00.000-07:00

Once there was a lovely castle in a faraway land. There lived the king, the queen and his only son(prince). The queen isn't at all a good wife neither at all a good mother. She never fails to come out with nefarious schemes to harm the king. Her aim was to murder his own husband alive and get his assets. No one in the castle knew the real side of her. Till a day...

The night was dull and silent. Only the sounds of crickets could be heard. The queen walked stealthily into the king's room while the king was asleep. She made sure everyone had fall asleep before carrying out her plan, not noticing that the prince was still up.

Just as she grabbed hold of the pillow, wanting to smother the king, the prince passed by. He was astonished to see this chaotic scene. He couldn't believe his own eyes. He was so shocked that he accidentally knocked off the cup placed on the table, causing the production of sound which alarmed both the king and the queen. The king woke up and saw the queen right infront of him. He become aware of the sitution. Thus, the queen knew if the king is dead, she'll stands a higher position in the castle, doind all sorts of things she wanted, and after dealing with the king, she will left with only the prince. She immediately took the pillow and smother the king. The prince went forward, wanting to push her away. The queen pushed the prince away instead and the prince fell onto the ground. After a period of time, the king died from the loss of sufficient air. The prince couldn't believe everything. He called upon to the servants and told them to catch hold of his own mother! He was so heartbroken that tears came right down his cheeks. The queen was imprisoned and later on sentenced to death. The prince was now all by himself. He decided to leave and live in the town, having a thought to be like the others, to lead a normal life.

Eventually, he went to a place where no one knows him at all. Thus, the castle no longer exists, only leaving behind the sorrows of the story that become a dark shadow in his life...

*eNglisH less0N*

SURPRISE!

2005-04-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

so tired... cca ends at 6plus... sigh.. everythink changed... how to noe the steps well for the oncoming syf which is only 1more week frm now.. sigh... he only noe how to sae sae sae... haishh forget it.. tired of saying out everythink abt him... hate the sight of him ... dat instructor! sigh... dunn wann tok bout him le... my day started so well.. den all spoiled by him lo...

gave lala a morning call tday to prevent her frm cuming late again...cum out a FUNNY surprise for her tday.... did all dat last nite after the talk wif her.... was very tired but the spirit of seeing her smile pushed me to finish up the whole thing... rote bout 5 pages... the longest letter in my life... n passing sum "toys" for her to fiddle wif during the dc to pass the time... told her to read the letter word by word slowly ... hahax.. coz din want to her bored there... hope she like the suprise... hahx

was like a letterwoman or rather a postwoman tday... passed lotsa letters to different ppl like lala, sk, kidd n so on... lolx... my occupation temporary! =( but no pay... lolx..

nth much tday.. i tot i really enjoyed the time spent wif her.... trying to get closer ever now n den...

* toucHed bY the worDS u meNtion... heex... in smiLe... *

a poEm foR lala...

2005-04-04T18:01:00.000-07:00

eveRYtime whEn i see u
I yearN for a hi to you
thE dayS whEn we gEt togethEr
thE dayS u cheerEd me up
I can hardlY foRget thE memoriEs dat staY

everY now N den
u caMe righT into my minD
telliNg me how muCh u misses thOse dayS
i enterEd ur hearT in retuRn
shOwing all forMs of gratitudE

u nV onCe giVe up
no matteR how tedious thE roaD may bE
u moVed on without feaR
witH dozens oF hopEs
yeT everytiMe i briNg u sorrowS

shatteRed uR hopes
briNg you tearS
i'vE doNe enuFf harM to u
noT mucH to teLL u
buT a dozen apologiEs....

*dedicated to my dearest frenz lala..sry..*

==+ bE it a miN, a seC, i'll bE derE foR u +==

R tHings beta..?

2005-04-02T16:58:00.000-08:00

woke up early for cca tday... sianz... was praying hard dat the instructor will not cum but he did... and his attitude was totally different tday... not as bad tempered a the previous lesson which i tot wa like god makes him cum for a reason... well.. real tired tday... b4 he came we've got breaks.. after he came we din stop at all till the last part when it's gonna reached the end of the lesson.. wad for..? sigh... having blue-blacks again frm all the kneeling up n down... forget it.. used to it...

r things beta tday..? well i've no ans for it...i'm still kinda having moodswings... forced dat idiotic smile out when the instructor kept on asking us to smile... wonder if dat sumthink is read.. well i'll not rite too much personal stuff here in future... stayed up quite late last nite to write in my DD... wrote about 5 pages long... got so much to write so much to say... n i juz forget everythink like whether my hand aches or wad so ever... written so much... thought of this.. nv to allow any single one to take a peep on DD... nv... till the day i die.. i'll burn DD up... the secrets will remain sealed... went for lunch wif my three little "sisters"(juniors) namely meiyi, su hui n jasmine... they brightened up my day... really enjoyed the day wif them around... was cracking jokes every now n den n since i was the sis i gotta help my jasmine mei mei to cut the piece of chicken... lolx... she find it difficult to cut.. den went to shop around for a gift... now i realised it's real hard to buy a gift for a guy... really lost for wad to buy... a girl will be easier... den took neoprints pict together... not bad lahx... still looked ok... they wanted the best pict so i juz let dem take lo.. ending up wif not realli nice pict but seeing them happy is the most impt thing... "broke up" wif them at abt 3plus n went home... writing lotsa things.. like a bd msg n sumthink special for sum1..

told myself not to think of any other things at this very moment... i'll leave the rest of the matters to a side... focusing on how to help the both of them n juz sincerely hope things can work out... tok on the phone wif cin last nite... she was telling me her troubles lately n i told her a bit on was happened recently... well she was listening to me real hard... focusing on every word dat i said... could sense the concern she has... thankz cin... dunn let those things affect u too... hopefully everythink will have a solution to it...

~ leavE the Rest asiDe... waNting oNly to hElp thE botH of U righT noW~

deCeivinG mySelf...

2005-04-01T19:21:00.000-08:00

the day din start well at all... i can't control my emotions at all... i juz can't stop thinking n thinking... wasn't in the mood at all to present a smile.. rmb ytd matter.. not really ytd actually... grace(junior) told me dat she realise i've always been so moody...den kc kept on asking me to smile more n den ah ping sms me last nite n she said she realise i've been in dat state too.. sigh... is things really dat obvious... so disppointed dat i'm a bad actress... shld learn more skills den..

For almost the whole morning, i din speak a word... unless sumthink impt... n manda was sitting beside me in the lab n again she realise the same thing... sigh... how..? wanted everythink to b hidden initially but now... haiz... i juz can't help it... i really wish to juz stay dere silently... but when i din speak a word... ppl discover i'm not my usual self.. n i din wanna anyone get worried for me...

journal returned n once again dere will b new msg in the journal... took a look n kidd says he wanna find me during cca n tok to me... tot i could juz reply him saying there's not a nid... but still kana in the end... yaya ur so called "counselling"... sigh... sry... it's not dat i dunn trust u... believe me... but i really wasn't prepared to pour everythink out... perhaps i've been so used to keeping everythink inside... i'm sry... waste ur time too.. thankz for the thought anyway... n the jogging "session"... really feel beta after dat.... it's like another burden lightened... actually i was trying real hard to control myself when toking to him... went back for cca n i was clenching my fist real tight.. first time sehh... not becoz i was enraged or sumthink but was controlling tears... n this stupid me juz can't control... cried in the end..using up my packet of tissue paper... eli n ru was shocked... they keep asking me wad happened n ask me to speak at least a word but i refused.. sigh... sat down n silently cried... i guess no one else saw... din wan anyone to c either... feeling much beta after the cry too.. so was telling the both of them juz let b me coz i'll feel beta after dat... THANKZ RU N ELI for everythink... i'm sry i caused the shock in u ppl... but was like i juz can't control... everythink juz suddenly purged out... n the feeling was unbearable...

will try working out wad kidd suggested on n i hope i can c changes after dat... i really wish to c the both of dem like the past again... n not like now... hoping dat another side wun create more things for dem too...

feeling so tired rite now... cca again tml.. n i really dunn feel liek going.. will dat instructor cum..? praying real hard dat he'll cum becoz with him around everythink is torturous...

*tHankz foR everyThinK kidd... wiLL tRy ouT uR adviceS... wiLL make thE botH of dem bE likE thE pasT.. sRy foR u kNow wad too... thE joggiNg is gReat.. onCe agaiN thanKz*

tHinkiNg bacK tHe pasT...

2005-03-31T04:57:00.000-08:00

sigh... shldn't have said dat in my blog ytd... i really wasn't mentioning bout her.. but looks like she doubted it.. frm her nick i can c... n because of dat it's the end... a previous start and a sudden end... haiz.. i really dunn understand... why..?! can sum1 juz ans the doubt in my mind..? i'm really tired... but wad can i do..? things still have to go on isn't it..? I nv wanna give up on things even though those troubles seemed to make me real tired.. i dunn wanna give up because i hate giving up when things have already started.. i juz wan the mess to be cleared up not juz leave it dere for years and years till everythink pile up like a mountain... or rather i hate ppl cleraing things up for me... i want to be a responsible person... i nv wan to take n go... i want to take and express my form of gratitude... but no one understands... haiz.. nvm.. dunn wanna tok too much... perhaps i shldn't have made this blog so personal...

thinking of riting more personal things in either the "DD" or another webbie.. nvm.. leave it.. wrote lotsa things in a letter ytd.. n was hesitating whether i shld give dat sumone... wanted to pass it tday but i resisted... i juz got a bad feeling dat i'll make things worse... so shld i..? sigh.. gotta think bout this seriously before i made dat sum1 suffer again...

was thinking bout y ppl make excuses...? juz to hide the truth...? or to save their face..? i really wonder...i noe for everythink dat one does, there's a reason behind it but does dat mean excuses shld exist every now n den...? out of sudden i notice dat i've lotsa questions or doubt in my recent entries... there's really too many things inside... n i'm juz unwilling to let go...

there's many things i nv once said.. there's many things i nv once do... not because i'm not putting in the harwork but because i nv wanna bring another sorrow into here... u'll nv understand... u always think dat i'm under the pressure of u... but u nv once noe wad i really think abt u... whenever u misunderstood me, i really feel like crying... u nv noe how difficult it was for me to explain things out to u at dat moment.. since it's of no use, i'll keep everythink to me.. i nv wanna things to becum worse... but the truth shows...shows dat i can nv get back once again... n sumtimes when we experience different kinds of things... be it family relationships, frenzship, or wad so ever... n when we keep encountering the same scenario, the same mistakes made... we shld thus ask ourselves... did the fault lie wif me..? we shld ask oursleves dat... y others always make things so smoothly but not us..? does it lies wif our personality..? our attitude..?

how i wish sumday u'll understand me coz it's hard for us to meet again... i'm in this part of the world n u're in the other... once again hope she'll not mistaken i wasn't refering to her... but sumone else... sigh..

=== ThinkIng baCk abouT so muCh thinGs===

a rEstless daY...

2005-03-30T04:32:00.000-08:00

started the day with PE... din retake my 2.4km run.. haven really recover frm ytd so not really well for the run... but helped ting ming instead... kept persuading her not to stop and continue running... but at times my words seem useless... but i'm really impressed by her... well she wanted to give up for the last round but i kept pulling her saying dat dunn give up! it's the last round le... y not juz finish it...? n she went through the last round...! gd work ting! u did a real great job... sigh... hope she'll pass the nxt week.. she can do it de but she keep telling herself she wanna give up... sigh... she thanked me when we went back to class but i told her dunn thank me when i din help u pass... haiz.. but at least she did her real best...

was feeling so weak after a bit of run... juz a bit of run n i seemed so weak... wad's happening to me..? haiz.. my legs no longer as strong as b4... it juz seemed as if at any time i may fall.. has been 2days... juz hope things will turn out positively not negatively..

really disappointed wif sumone.... perhaps i shldn't abide to the promise in the first place... i'm trying to work hard on the promise yet the other party isn't trying at all... no efforts is seen... izzit my mistakes...? but i can c dat things are going slightly further... perhaps dat's a gd thing... there must always b a solution to it... n since this has been going on for such a long time... let it stop... let the wound be healed and never to let the wound be hurt again...

saw a malay woman crying on the bus dat day... was standing there in the bus wondering... sumtimes when u're crying... will anyone notice..? n so wad if sum1 did..? wad can he or she do..? console..? but sumtimes... the feelings in the person cannot be understood by his or her frenz or families... so sumtimes u're there at a corner juz crying alone n no one will truly noe the feelings... seeing differnt ppl frm all walks of life each day... we nv noe wad they're thinking... they may appear cheerful on the outlook but perhaps things may not be in their inner self.. or rather a person may appear heartless but he or she knows n can feel the care n concern dat he or she wanted to give to a particular person...

was chatting to sum1 ytd... things brought me back to those times... it seems a period of ignorance and another period of friendliness... why must things be in such a way in life...? do we meet only to forget one another the very next moment..? if i have enuff ability i'll keep everyone close or even sum1 i juz noe close to my side... though i din mention to the majority of teh importance of them to me, they're as important as the positions of close families to me.. without them... i can nv noe how beautiful things r wif them around... there's always a saying: treasure ur loved ones... because u nv noe wad'll happen the very next day... sum1 might juz leave this world the very nxt day... or mayb sumthink bad will happen.. even to me..? no one knows... din noe why i tot of so many things... perhaps dere's too much things inside... piling up every now n den n i can do nth abt it... perhaps thinking do help at times... at least i noe wad's inside dat makes me feel so much...

== EveRytHing wiLL cHange oNe daY.. eVen thE srongEst thinG will faLL... thE memoriEs wiLL juz fadE off fRom u.. s0on u'll rEalise tHings ain't as bEautifuL aNd tRustinG as bEfoRe...==

:::I leFt u paiNs... soRrie... foR i cannot bE the oNe to fulfiL uR dreams... foRget all abT wad i oNce said... forgeT bout me... :::

I hatE daT iMpatient guY...

2005-03-29T07:50:00.000-08:00

first thing i wanna do is to COMPLAIN!

dat freaking IMPATIENT or shld i say instructor isback... he went back to china for a period of time coz he sprained his spine den now he cum back... Y!?

I hate him to the core frm the very beginning... always so impatient in teaching...

tday he came back n juz pushed us real hard in the dance... no breaks at all n we ourselves find sum opportunities to sneak n drink a bit of water... n wad he does is.. change most of the steps in the front part when the competition is jus a few wks ltr... wad's more we have grown so used to the previous steps which we took quite a period of time to master... sigh.. den wAD lo... not to mention any particular one... he kept on scolding this: STUPID PIG(in chinese)... dat time go kallang theatre also lidat... haiz... we're also humans kkiex..? can u at least respect us..? n if u're so clever go replace us for the competition n get dat gold award back... tired of each n everythink... wasn't feeling dat well physically tday n i regretted cuming to the cca... i shld have decided to go hm earlier...

I ask him a que juz now of the part dat we're not clear of... n he used dat kinda face to look lo... wadever was expecting a scolding dat time... but he din scld juz got dat attitude dere... i mean we really dunn understand wad he's tokin mahx so ask lo.. also cannot.. haishh.. nvm..dunn wanna tok abt this le... sick...

having an intention not to go on this fri... i hate the sight of everythink... damn frustrated n tired...

~noE u're buSy yEt u spAre sumtimE foR me... tHankz so muCh... ~

She's staYing!!

2005-03-28T06:13:00.000-08:00

will be long entry here so juz bear wif me..

woke up ytd n i tell u i dunn feel like goin for the tuition becoz ytd was the last 2nd lesson she's staying after which thurs will b the last day n i tell u i made up my mind b4 dat not to turn up..i juz hate the sight of letting her go... wasn't much of wanting to tok ytd... but still forced myself to do so .. y not let her leave teh centre wif memeories of us ya..? i tell u we really had a great time n i made the effort to ask her out after tuition for a badminton game ... but we ended up playing bb.. anyway no matter wad sports i juz wanna spend another minute wif this frenz of mine.. i noe it wouldn't be dat much of fun anymore in the future..

was playing wif a "heavy" heart ytd... she din noe wad i'm thinking coz i din show any obvious actions dat i'm thinking of matters... simply becoz i din want her to notice n end up we sitting there juz doing nth but remain silent.. i dun wan.. i wan a gd day wif her... we were there frm 4plus to abt 7... even if it's juz a sec left.. i made full use of dat one sec... i noe 1 sec means nth much but at least for dat one particular sec i can take another sec to rmb her...

was wif cin, wee, jeffrey ytd... i like this particular gathering.. brings me back to those days in pri sch... but still i like this moment becoz i feel each one of us has grown up no longer as mischievous as b4... n we noe how to think n spare a tot for others... took photos using wee camera phone... took wif cin... wee... n 1 as a whole wif cin, wee n jeff... too bad i can;t receive those photos mayb i can when i change phone(going to)... i'll treasure those photos if i can get them.. den it's time when we go hm.. haiz.. once again ... i duno wad happens to my heart but it feels alot for cin especially n jeff is i pity him always eat dinner alone.. (hahx..)

den... came this part when i tell u i really wish to cry out... cin says..: Dianna, i think i'm staying..
i ask her REALLY..?!! u REALLy staying..?! she says she'll... i guess she did feel wad i'm feeling sumhow... at dat pt in time i've got nth to say but THANKZ so much for staying.. the previous day i prayed... tok to HIM everythink bout this matter.. ask for his blessings dat sumhow the next day when i see cin she'll tell me she changed her mind... n she DID!! she DID!! i THANK U once again GOD... THANKZ for answering my prayers n listening to everythink dat i find it impossible to tell her...

came sch tday n once again i dunn feel like toking.. duno wad happen.. i've no idea either juz dunn feel like toking as if sumthink stuck in my throat dat prevent me frm toking... but juz to make sure others din spot the difference so by hook or by crook i gotta speak up... course period again... tiz time round we focused on teenage prob n my grp did peer preesure... well.. din really planned dat much n was panicking.. but lucky things din turn out dat bad... tried my best to act as an "ah lian" ... well.. wasn't very much skilled in acting not like the guys... heyx dey're real gd.. even rewind back the scene dat ms neo accidentally...... hahx.. funni sehx..

well... can say i'm quite unlucky tday... my right eye twitched den came the dropping of my contact lens... haishh... took quite sumtime to put it back without a mirror.. den wad my earstick keeps on dropping out frm the second earhole den came bleeding... only a bit nia.. haiyo.. wad's happening...nvm.. juz hope i will feel liek my usual self tml...

saw QH tday n i'm glad he still rmb me.. sumhow i tot lotsa ppl juz pretend not to noe u when they've gone to sec life...chat was short butrather nice... having the pri kinda feelimg back.. thankz guys.. tc worx...

*i'm glaD u're sTayinG... i Thank u a tHousanD foR everyThink... u nV noE how haPpy i'm whEn i hearD it... juZ hope u wuN turN my happinEss iNto anothEr soRrow.. dunN ever tEl me u're leaVing agaiN*

shE's leaviNg me... i'M all bY mysElf...

2005-03-24T08:41:00.000-08:00

tuition day tday again... was quite happy dat i can at last c the gone-for 1 week ciN... but who knows.....

called her b4 the tuition n this is the first thing she says: ''Dianna, i forget to tell u i'm switching tuition teacher"... n my first reaction was... haiz.. haven been seeing her 1wk n i'm already missing her... now she'll nv be seen in the tuition centre anymore...

told myself dat perhaps she hasn't make up her mind... so i din think too deeply into this matter... went to the old place(it's actually a playground wif swings) of me n cin... sat down on the swing alone which brings me back to those days the both of us sat down n tok lotsa things... even the inner most troubles i tot i could juz share wif her.. felt so confortable wif her presence.. tot abt me sitting on the swing n she suddenly pushing me high up was like Whosh! n so when she sat on the swing, i did the same thing to her... but now... i'll be all alone by myself at the swing... only sitting dere not waiting for her to turn up as usual but sitting dere thinking bout those times i had wif her back in time...

she told me at the swing dat she has already confirmed... duno how to describe dat feeling in me when i heard this... but still i understand her condition in her family so maybe i shld juz respect her decision..? i mean it has been yrs dat we joined the same batch of tuition n such a sudden change is made... seriously i felt alot dat moment... was also thinking n fearing dat one day we'll juz lose contact... we're frm different schs... n wad's more we get along dat well for a simple fact dat it's the cause of the tuition n dat we always meet up for the sake of tuition... but still i'll keep her in mind everytime... i'll nv let this frenzship destroyed by sum flaws...

Hoping dat she'll change her mind... but i guess it's impossible... wanting to call her along on sat simply becoz i wanted tiz very outing to b plainly an outing itself not anymore for the sake of tuition... hoping dat she can cum... waiting for her to turn up on that very day...

~+cannOt deScRibe the feeliNG in me... out of suDDen i felT so aloNe... no loNger haviNg ur lamE jokEs, uR chEErful smilE no matteR how sad u're... iF u teLL me dat u waNna me acc u to anYwhEre i'll teLL u i'll put down aLL thinGs i haVe juZ for the saKe of u... miSs u day by day my dearest frenZ ciN...+~

haNginG doLLs in 3E3... cooLx..

2005-03-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

having 2.4km run tday... was feeling so unwell ever since i started the first round n thus i got dat feeling dat i cannot make it... But was telling myself dat i shldn't give up so easily when things r done becoz i simply hate to do things again or rather halfway through... so i kept running non-stop for the first 2 rounds n walked a little after dat... thankz lala for the movitation of pulling me... yea.. we made dat pact frm the beginning which is to pull each other if we ever stop the run ya..? n we did it!!

heex... was so afraid of my own timing when i heard ppl infront taking the positions of 15++mins... i feared dat i'll end up wif 17+mins or even fail n i have to retest again becoz dat cannot determine me to get a gold... but luckily both lala n nana made it!!! yEah! fivE* i Thank u lala.... thankz so much... it's the effort of we pulling each other here n dere n it pays off ya..? hmm.. was feeling sO terribly unwell after the run.. i dunno wad's wrong but the part near to the ribs was unbearably painful... despite dat still bring myself up to help genie... she was suffering pain too.. juz hope she's fine..

went back for A maths lessons n found out dat i forget to get my tb frm the cupboard... asked mr ang if i could get it frm the cupboard coz he doesn't allow ppl to walk abt... ru was punished becoz of dat the other time wif yiqin... n so he said: "Can.. but u muz stand lahx... to be fair... If u dun want to take u still have to stand coz u dun haf a bk"... so either ways also die den might as well get the book.. so i stood there for 2 whole periods... n i tell u my legs real wobbly n at the same time dat particular injury hasn't recover but still got to face the punishment coz it's my fault after all... deserve it..

EL lessons... gonna work on debate.. kidd called me to the front n asked for help on the TA cards... found those words of his meaningful becoz after dat incident i told myself i muz worked hard frm those falls made... dunn worry bout me kidd... will carefully digest everything... n tkz for everything...

Assembly tday was kinda embarrassing... got called up for the Australian Maths thingy and ms sharon Lim called my chi name... haishh... was telling jia wen b4 dat dat she'll pronounce my name wrongly de... it happens during those lessons for the Australian Maths when she's taking attendence... asking me how to pronounce my name.. izzit dat difficult to pronounce..? i really wonder.. juz becoz of another N added...? hmm..

Stayed back for the notice board stuffs and hanging of the dolls wif the rest of the classmates... coolx... it looks really wonderful wif those bears up dat... niCEE... we're like extraordinary yea..? hahx... jas told me dat my bear is beside hers so i said dat if we were to daydream we'll look at our own bears n so it'll be like the both of us looking at the same place... lolx.. n ppl will be wondering.. wad r we looking at..? hahx.. n thankz shu juN for helping me pasting the plaster on my injured finger... like my mummy u noe.. lolx... actually cut my finger when wanting to take the paper for thr notice board...

having chi oral tml... an anxiety ytd-Napfa, tday-2.4 and tml AGAIN-oral.. haishh... juz hope everything will work well n i'll not stammer... God bless...

~it doesN't takEs a feW seCs to leArN frm thoSe experienCes~

dat freaking cRickeT...

2005-03-22T08:48:00.000-08:00

the very first period was phy n b4 aunty neo came, this grp of "funny" freaks(namely sikai, yusa and jacob) did a "funny" thing... "FUNNY HOR!" sikai all dat distubed me wif the toy cricket.... n i tell u i screamed! screamed ok..? haishh.. so pai sehh lo...

shldn't have told u bout dat lizard incident... stupid kai.. hmpH! u ppl gd lo... liddat scare me... wad's more it's the starting of the day lo..haishh.. but cum to think of it it's funny... hahx

arghx.. gotta lookout tml.. dat sk says tml will be cockroach... my goodness... how can i survive...?

got Napfa tday n i fare "okly" except standing broad jump lahx... haiyo... but still ok lahx... juz hope can do well for tml 2.4km... gambette!

* neWs outdateD.... u'll nV noE thE latest nEws again... forgeT it*

tHe cubic impacT....

2005-03-21T05:54:00.000-08:00

still toking bout the cubic impact here... haiz...

i noe it frm the very beginning this will happen.. but y..? becoz i hadn't put in dat bit of effort...? haiz...

the cubic impact made a real great IMPACT on me... wad shld i do..? was thinking : "blame urself for this becoz U hadn't worked hard enuff"... suddenly felt dat i'm totally useless...

i keep on having this in mind... why why why...

wasn't in the mood tday but i told myself to stay as cheerful as possible becoz i nv wanna bring dat mood to them.. no one noe the feeling... i mean as in i hadn't got this impact at all... past years be it 10yrs or wad... n now a sudden introduce of this impact...

Can i cry...? Can i juz remain quiet...? i doubt so.. nth i do can salvage a thing... i'm a useless person..

== caN i cliMb up frm wheRe i fell...? no moRe anS for tHis.......==

*foR ppl who read tHis entRy dun comment... dunn haf to console.. let me be... leave me alone... sry..*

FreakinG weirD liZard....

2005-03-20T15:47:00.000-08:00

encounter a real weird lizard last nite... hahx... was trying to finish up the undone hw last nite.. so it's like burning midnight oil... hahx...

den was so disturbed by this particular lizard becoz i dunn nid a reptile to acc through the nite when i slp u c... so this is wad i do... tell u wad i'm damn afraid of insects n so lizard isn't exceptional even though it's a reptile.. i crushed a paper n threw sumwhere near the area it "stood"... no reaction...! hmm... tried several times n still no response.. haishh... could think of nth else coz i was like STUCKED in my own room u c... i can't open the door coz ltr i'm afraid i might hurt its tail n imagine..? the tail is still alive ya..? arghS... so i threw n threw n threw n i GIVE UP! u noe ppl is get tired frm a long day work while me was tired frm a "battle" wif a LIZARD!

but dat lizard was BIG so can't blamed me frm being so disturbed.... haishh.. went to sleep at 3 ytd... tired sehh... was thinking of waking up at 9am tday t0 finish more stuffs n ended up waking up at 11... n rushing to go for tuition at 1... yawn...

had a long great chat wif sk anyway...dunn ponder too much bahx... everythink gonna b fine.. juz like wad i said ytd... anyway... i really miss cin... she's gone for camp n hasn't been arund for 2 sessions of tuition... felt the sudden feeling of so alone.. hahx...nvm..juz hoped she enjoy herself...

** thE trutH wiLL foRsee... it haS alreaDy beCum sumthinK dat's definitE no loNger at all a myTh... **

fEEliNg tiRed yEt relaxEd...

2005-03-18T07:08:00.000-08:00

back wif blogging now...

went cca from tue onwards till now n it's reak tiring... body aching... juz hope it'll be beta sumwhere tml or sun coz tue is NAPFA... sigh...

anyway.. after cca at 3.30 tday me ru n eli trained our stamina...! hahaz... funny rite..? at it's in the hall... well ran about 5 mins plus non-stop... n the feeling afterwards was so great..coz i rmb telling them dat whenever i'm in a foul mood, i would either go reservoir or go jogging.. hahx.. weird me but i juz like tiz kinda lifestyle... anyway... felt so relaxed after the run.. especially it's like i remained quiet throughout n juz continued the run... nice feeling...

have too much to tell a particular person but i juz hold back those words... i noe everythink will b different if i juz spilled all those words n i nv want this outcome... thus, i'll juz treat it as wad dat person sees me.. even if u think i'm the bad one trying to make ur life difficult, it's fine.. i need no explanation for u... but for myself..

and to the anoymous... one thing to tell u... i rather have an additional frenz den a foe... u nv noe how great things can be like wif frenz around... hating doesn't mean u muz pull the other frenz along wif u to hate a particular person... think about urself b4 scolding or trying to critisize others... u have no right to scld her BITCH...i'm not trying to make things complicated here juz to tell u i mean no harm n dat it ain't wrong trying to tag at a frenz blog ya..? nvm..

lala, muz tc kkiex..? gladys wanted u to stay n i pulled her back into the hall juz now.. hahax.. quite comic lahx.. but juz wanna u to rest well after the camp... not to forget to take good care fo urself gurlx.. =)

* i couldn'T tell u wad i'm tHinkinG becoz i nV wanna huRt u deepeR.. i'm soRRy... foRgive me... for i'll nV brinG u thE pain anymoRe... *

feeliNg anY beta..?

2005-03-14T14:20:00.000-08:00

m i feeling any beta..? i'm wondering too..

i can't get to go out wif them... haiz... stupid illness.. i noe things will turn out well though...

kidd.. seriously lahx.. i'm not dat impt as u think... they'll still enjoy themselves de... juz hoping dat u ppl can totally enjoy the outing...

gotta go back to sch tml le... coz i nv want to give them mc when i hate to c a doc... hopefully i'll recover...

got eli to help me pass up the geog file juz now.. thankz eli.. it's sweet of her u c... she gave me a note b4 going off... i opened it up n this is wad it says...
To: My Dearest Friend...Dianna=)

Instruction list:=)
>Hope u'll get well soon!!!
>The sun very hot... so must drink more water..hehe
>Have moreZzz...so that the virus will fly off... haha..=)
>dun =( muz =)
>stay =) and u'll get well soon!!!

From: Tis cRazy gal..Elizabeth=P

sweet rite...? thankz galx... n all those who asked me bout my "condition"..really dunno wad to do without u ppl... thankz .. n enjoy!

Starting my own diary juz ytd coz i really can take it no more... pour everything out onto the diary... it's 5 pages long... talk to HIM for quite a period of time at nite... feel his presence telling me not to worry too much.. n after which i juz sleep... as if i'm in his arms... i noe at dat juncture... only he believes wad i say.. and he'll nv despise me.. nv reject me... I thank u my lord for everything... u made me feel dat even if the whole world doubts me, hate me... u 'll always b dere for me...

Thankz frenz for everything... u ppl flooded my inbox.. ppl like ru, ah ping, pei shan, olivia, ak, genie...not forgetting kidd, eli,lala..=)

edited part: kidd called me n said dat dere's sumthink at my door! omg... went out n a grp of ppl were dere!!!! omg!! it's so pai sehh... n it's like touching... wif so many ppl smsin me b4 dat den a grp of ppl makin the effort to visit me!!! =') thankz ppl thankz so much... it's too much of a surprise... far too much! thankz.. love u guys!!! each n everyone of u!!

** u taKe uR words... i'll rmb thiS 4eva... **

I hated tHis day.... totaLLY tiRed...

2005-03-13T04:22:00.000-08:00

i dislikes tday....

sumthink hateful cause me to feel this way...

noone will understands...

I woke up tday thinking dat it'll b a nice gd sunday but i was wrong...

ran out from dat particular place at 12 n off to the place dat i loved the most..

looking at them, i juz cried out... with no one dere... i dunn wanna call her at dat time beocz i nv want her to c my tears... so i waited till my tears subside n called her... i kept quiet throughout... din want to tel her those things dat happen coz i wanted to keep everything to myself as planned.. but share wif her a bit though... juz hoping dat she'll understands... i nv wan to leak out a single piece of info coz i noe noone will understands the states this thing has becum...

no more trust.... no more real concern... everything becums dry, dead, bleak... i'm becuming to hate dat particular place becoz of a particular person... i'm sorry but to say these r the words frm my heart... i'm starting to dislike u... dislike the attitude dat u have... dislikes ur doubt in me.. anyone can dunn believe wad i says but not u... but u din choose to do dat... so i gave up on u becoz u gave me up in the very beginning...

i nv once shared wif u the troubles i have beocz i noe u simply can't understand... i nv once tell u how i feel becoz i noe u'll nv understand... i nv once tel u wad has happened in the particular day which cause the sadness in me becoz i noe u'll not understand...

juz a simple thing n u can make it seemed so complicated...? u nv seemed to understand wad i says... the gap between us is so far apart... soon.. i'll be transferred to the next place where u'll nv find me again....no more troubles for u... no more hatred between us... i'll take everthing dat i once placed in u which makes u feel breathless... i'll soon thank u for all dat u've done... n i'll be the one sitting quietly at the corner... not a single word uttered or a single disturbance.....

::: tHis is noT a kiNda clOse reLatioNshiP anYmoRe.... :::

duN ask me anythinG coz i'll nV utter a word... it's nv abt a boy-gal relationship though i phrase it till it seemed like... sumthink has caused a great impact on me... i'll nv be the same... despite all thankz CTSX for ur advices...

EscaPe tHeme paRk...

2005-03-12T09:40:00.000-08:00

went put early in the morning wif ru, MY n SH... went to theme park after which in the evening i gotta go out again... sigh.. tired... got sunburn... n utterly terrible signs of vomittin... giddiness all the way.... so terrible feelings...

despite frm all this, we sort of enjoyed ourselves... saw many JYSS students dere too... hahx... one of which is SH n MY.... shh.. hmm... rainbow is a fun ride but the thing is it makes us real giddy.... n while in the seat, we slide here n there becoz SH was too skinny... hahx...

went to Panasonic n it's like a deadly fright to all...? i wasn't dat afraid initially... den came this ending part the kart jerked back n den front n i hit my stomach... ouchS... it hurts alot but i kept quiet initially not wanting to show the sign of pain coz MY seems hurt... hurt badly n the specs was like tilted... anyway... we sat Panasonic for twice... another time i sat wif ru... ru wanted to sit on the left so i sat on the right where the impact was greater...

my plan wif ru initially was to sit pirate ship for 12 times since the date was 12th tday... heex.. lame rite...? but we only rode for 5 times coz we couldn't take it lo... each n everyone of us was like... tired, giddy, feel like vomittin...

Flipper was nice too... but also makes us beri giddy la... it turns high up... so near to the sky lo.. n we din even noticed it when we're on the ride till we sat down n watched the others play the flipper n we realised dat it was so high up!!!

hahx.. WET n WILD!!!! we sat thrice... n each time i kana the back seat n was soaked WET! the front person always seem so dry de lorx... my hair, shirt, jeans, shoes ALL wEt! hai... n i was like pui pui pui... coz the water splashed on my entire face... lucky din drink it... if not i will have a beri polluted stomach coz it seemed as if those ppl din pump out the water for yrs! hahx..

first time i ran to the toilet wanting to vomit everything out but can't .... so the bad feeling was inside.... den the second time was like the same thing again... n this time round i bought the sour sour.. wad's dat thing call arhx..??? aiya... forget le.. taking the bus n MRT home making me feel as if i'm still in the ride... haix... but still nv regretted this outing wif ru, MY n SH coz they made my day... thankz so much ru, MY n SH.... hope u ppl will call me out or rather i can call u ppl out sooner.. keep in contact!

*feeliNg quitE sicK as iN physically... sigh..*
==== u'Re UnreasoNablE... duN douBt me! i hatE ppl who douBt me... if u douBt me, dun asK anytHing at all in thE firST placE... fiNd out ursElf n duN regRet ltr... u puT a stoP to tHe fEeliNg i oNce puT in u foR thiS 10yRs... I dislikEs uR uNreasonAblE attituDe!====

The seRies of unfoRtunate events...

2005-03-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

yEah it's after exaM.. juZ ytd.. heex... shiokx sia..

anyway went to watch movie wif KC, Ru, XH, CCL tday... went to orchard(cineplex)... wanted to watch the boogyman initially but it wasn't show dere...so we made up our mind to watch "A serieS of uNfortunate eventS"... i feel dat it's a real nice show wif a gd starting n a gd ending..

briefly to tok abt the story here...

it started off wif a cartoon part den it says "This is not the movie u're watching" .. hahx.. kinda lame.. but anyway... it started off wif 3 kids... one is the eldest sis called Violet, her younger brother duno wad name n her younger sis called Sunny(infant).
The younger brother is very clever as he reads lotsa books n can rmb exactly wad he reads which he nv know will be of benefits ltr on...Sunny likes to bite things.. anything she'll juz bite... hahx... n tok language dat only Violet n her brother can understand... hahx.. after all she's juz an infant... in fact a brilliant infant...
The siblings learnt dat their parents died during an outbreak of a fire which burnt everything down n they were utterly sad... they were brought to different houses.. each time only to see their new guardians... the first guardian was an evil man.. he learnt dat their parents had died n thus wanted the assets of their parents property money or wad so ever... he treated them badly, giving dem a list of chores to do n locking dem up in the room.. he even tried to kill the 3 siblings by locking them in a car which is parked in the middle of the track dat trains move on.. luckily they save demselves due to their intelligence... n mainly becoz of the younger brother's experience from those bks.. n also becoz of Sunny's biting techniques! lolx... cute arhx she..

so the siblings were sent to another gurdian... dat guy was a nice guy but was killed by dat evil man ltr on... wad a sad thing... haix... n he even tried to hide the truth by saying it's the cause of the poisonous snake found in the house... the 3 siblings were den sent to another guardian this time a woman... with a weird house dat will shake n collapsed anytime without notice...thewoman was killed ltr on too.. abandoning her in the open sea wif the leeches! eekS... the 14-yr old Violet was forced to marry the OLD UNCLE(the evil man) becoz it states in the law dat only married couple can get the inheritance... n dat the children muz not be harmed in any way... it was quite sad during dat part becoz the evil man put Sunny in a cage n hung her at the top of the tower, threatening Violet dat if she doesn't agree to the marriage, he'll lower the cage till Sunny drops...

Again it's the younger brother's intelligence once more... there's some sort of mystery found out ltr on of the death of their parents.. to make it short... the evil man was arrested... n the 3 siblings received a letter dat their parents sent yrs ago... the letter was real touching... dat part was the most touching part i guess... thus, the 3 siblings lived a happy life eventually after all the unfortunate events dat happen one after another...

*LemoNy*
~a touChinG stoRy... weLL staRted n well endEd....~

exaMs strEss!

2005-03-09T12:51:00.000-08:00

haiz...m so stressful for this 2 weeks.... have been "locking" myself in the room till now i'm sick of my room.. the usual study table ya... sianz...

two more papers tml n it's over! yeah!!! haiz... it's actually common test mahx... 2yrs liddat laioz den now changed the system... dun like it... streSs!

planning of the subjects isn't dat systematic either... 2 pure sciences tday!!!! lotsa to revise ytd.. till i have a real bad headache... no choice have to go into my "nest" and sleep...

will be "celebrating" the failure of phy exam... haiz... fancy opening champagne and cutting cakes... how to do well...?

heard dat A maths is gonna be tough tml... but i believe so long we try hard enuff we can do it ya..? Gambette!

was practising E maths on sun last week.. hahx... last minute... but i was surprised by my marks... hahx... ruru was cute... teh moment she c her marks, she says her marks very frightening... hahx.. n we got the same marks! hi 5*

one more day to go n everything shld be let go... coz we've already hand in the papers... no use crying over spilled milk... no use pondering too much... u can't change the marks or grades by doing all this... juZ noe dat u've put in ya best.. it's enuff...

[iN schOol]

waD i tHis maN!

2005-03-04T07:06:00.000-08:00

wad is this man...!

still having cca nxt tue..?!! sick... it's the period of mini-exams n she claimed dat it's the principal who says muz attend cca on dat day when the other cca dun haf to..?! ok marching ppl like girl guides dun nid... guitar not marching grp de lo... den also dun nid go mahx... y us..?! when the very nxt day we're having 2 pure sciences!sianz...

intended not to go le... ms ho will be the teacher-in-charge on dat day... hack care... she wan scld scld... she wan send us to DC send lo... this sch.. always DC DC! haishh... so wad if it's 2hrs on tue...? 2 hrs mean alot for study lo... haishh...

gotta work hard le... feel like lacking behind...

got so much things inside... let it be hidden for the moment... dun wanna think bout so much things and end up affecting my own studies... leave everythink to after exams...

haiz... holidays gotta go back frm mon to fri for cca!!! in the afternoon summore... wad is this! no holidays at all lo... sick!

to all guys out there... woRk haRd! u ppl can do it...!

=wanna tHink no moRe... coNcentRate plS!=

mY thRee wisHes....

2005-03-02T06:50:00.000-08:00

I wish ... i wish.. i wish...

The very first wish i made before blowing the candles on the birthday cake is to get good results for any academic subjects. Hoping that i'm able to do well in the O level and get good results so that i can get into my ideal JC. (haven't thought of one now.)

Going on to my second wish, i wish that as we go on in life, my lovely friends will still remember me even if it's just the memories that stay. Thinking back now, i felt that many of my primary school friends do not seem to get in touch anymore by the fact that they no longer mind about their once closed or best friends. I never want to end up like them. I want to keep every single precious moments spend with my friends in my heart, hoping that i can still stay in contact with each and everyone of them just like one of my friend from primary one till now. Making this wish simply because i love my friends alot and thus treasured them like gems.

Last but not least, my third wish is to get to travel to my dream country(shh... secret.. cannot tell u where) where the place is real beautiful with the seasons that beautify the entire country too. I will make my wish come true myself when i grow older, by then i can bring my parents there with me to spend a certain period of time there. It will then be the most beautiful part of my life!

=++ claSs worK++=

*hoPing daT tHings wiLL rEmaiN thE saMe as evEr*

fouNd bacK mY wallEt...!!!

2005-03-01T07:28:00.000-08:00

pHew...! found back my wallet!!! though the almost bout $20 is gone.... it's k...

pRayed to god for the nite ytd... n he answered my prayers! thankz god.... n thankz ryl for ya prayers... thankz frenz for everythink.... thankz kiddy(jae) for finding it back too...!!! glad to c ya smile again... hahx...

i rmb ytd i was like---> ='( n tday! --->=') heex..... happY happY....

was like my mum wanted to go n reapply the ezlink de...luckily i called her if not it's like cancel den apply again...

n so cum back n she nag nag nag again.... haiz... nvm... used to it...

nth much happen tday... was a blessed thing actually.... oRh ya... i seemed so down on luck recently.... woke up tday n found out my left side contacts isn;t in the container itself... thus i gotta open another new contacts... haiz.. den i was reminding myself to bring certain things b4 dat n i totally forget bout it.... i seemed so "memory-idiot" nowadays.... wad's wrong...? haiz.... sianz...

<>

uNlucKy daY ....

2005-02-28T05:57:00.000-08:00

haiz... everything doesn't seem to go my way....

i lost my wallet tday....

was in the toilet when i carelessly placed it on the basin.... sigh... Y!? Y muz i be sooooo careless.... haiz.... n y izzit i took so long to find out dat i din haf it wif me..? y...?

got a real bad scolding frm my mum.... i had 10plus dollars in my wallet coz i nida top up my ez-link tday n now it's like.... haiz... i returned her the $1o wif my own money.... i juz thought of tellin my dad bout this initially coz at least he will perhaps scold a bit den nth happens nxt.... take it as i'm kinda tired of mum's scolding.... but still i muz tell her the truth...

listened to her nagging.... till now nth stops.... nvm... it's my fault n i shld bear the responsibility.... was soooooo lost when i lost my wallet.... luckily... i haf eli, ryl, ru n yunru den...
thankz alot Elizabeth, Yiru, Cheryl and Yunru.... u ppl r of great help... touched by eli's sms to me telling me to cheer up wif all the "happy" words there with the fact dat her sms rate is exceeding but she cares less.... thankz galx.... thankz ppl for everything....

gotta report here n there for the loss of the cards n so on... haiz... wad a bad day.... juz hope the person will be kind enuff to return my wallet... at least my ez-link and all those impt things... u can take the $ for all i care i juz want back the impt stuffs... haiz... i noe they wanted to console me telling me dat perahps sumone will return the wallet tml.... but i noe it's impossible... sigh... let this be a lesson to me... for being careless... duno wad's wrong wif me but i've been "weird" tday.... guess ru noticed tiz... wad's wrong wif me...sigh... was happy a moment to learn dat everyone has passed the E maths test n dat we fared quite well for chem test.... n another moment i gotta faced this kinda situation.... sigh.. it has happened first time in my life... mum says i've grown so "old" n yet i'm still so careless... even my cousin(pri sch) can take care of his personal belongings... haiz... sry to disappoint u den... i'm feeling terrible... i nv want this to happen too... i noe it's all my fault... give me a break.... i noe it's my fault... whenever i found a lost wallet i'll return it... dat person is lucky den... n i noe i'll nv get this kinda case....

wad a useless me...

+++ moNey isn't imPt.... i waN mY stuFfs bacK..... +++

to pasS oR to faiL...? it's mY choiCe

2005-02-27T08:23:00.000-08:00

having E maths test tml in the morning... n i told myself i must maintain my E maths standard n nv to fail... thus i thought to pass or to fail it's my choice....

to pass.... i must practice for dat long hours.... to fail... i will juz browse through n do nth else....

i took the whole nite till bout 11 plus ytd to practice the sums... continued tday early in the morning till bout 1 den went 4 tuition... got myself soaked wet when returning hm coz of the heavy rain... i din want to wait for the rain to stop simply becoz i thought i've got lotsa revision to finish up... went hm n i immediately sat down n continued the solutions.... till now 8 plus.. at last i finished everything....

i noe wad many will say.... " so hardworking arhx..?" but dat's wad i nid to do in order to go on to my path of doing well.... have been so affected by sum personal stuffs recently n thus i din perform well for my recent tests or wad so ever.... was so so so so disappointed wif myself... din show too much of dat expression dat time coz i noe they'll say..."nvm de lahx, first test mahx... it's ok not to do well" i noe it makes sense but sumhow if u ppl were me u'll noe my feelings at dat point in time... i worked hard but coz of sumthinks i cannot really focused... or rather i din work hard enuff to deserve gd results... anyway forget it...

determined to do well tml... hope i'll put in all my best...

gd luck to everyone...

---- giVe me aNotheR look... poSe me anothEr smiLe... for i'll bE gRateful to u... mY onlY one... ----

u haVe cHangEd....

2005-02-26T09:05:00.000-08:00

u haf changed....

u were no longer the one i seemed to noe last time....

every nite when i greeted u gd nite, u'll replied in a tone dat i thought was so "comfortable"... but now... there's no longer any reply frm u.... still i chose to carry on my daily greetings.... i noe u heard it even if there's no reply frm u...

u wun dat quiet last time... yet now... u juz sat there... silently... without any speech made... i wonder y has everything gone to...

the smile n laughter dat u always have has faded....

everything were no longer like the past when we sat down n chat for a long period of time...

when u joke wif the others....

i rmb every glimpse of ya smile..... till now it's still in my mind.... from the very day i came into this palace.... ur smile always remain...

every sat u'll be like a funny clown who will always order dat particular dessert.... but now u no longer do so.... u always like dat particular food yet now ur appetite has changed ....

u nv noe how much influence u haf brought onto me... i stopped my smile n laughter when u stopped urs.... i no longer jk dat much like wad i did in the past becoz of u.... i've becum so quiet ever since u sat there silently.... i'm beginning to follow ur steps... i'm juz rite behind u now.... turn behind n u'll c me... not far frm u...

i loathe the silent.... though i sort of like silence as it seems like a peaceful thing... but things haf changed.... n i simply loathe this silent... i miss the laughters i miss the smiles i miss the noisy atmosphere....

when can the past ever returned...?

i duno y but i suddenly cried... thought of ytd matters n wad's more it's a bad saturday... having a real bad gastric coz i tortured myself by not eating breakfast n lunch...... not in any mood to do anything...

was in the car n suddenly tears began to streamed down...wad's wrong wif me...

( can the soRRow juZ go awaY...?)

==wheN caN i eveR sEe uR smIle agaiN....? u nV noE uR paiN is mY paiN.... ==

hoPe she'll bE fiNe...

2005-02-25T07:05:00.000-08:00

went for cca tday AGAIN! sick.... was like we saw the video of dat particular dance den haiz... it's like so weird lo... actions so exaggerating..sigh... wasn't in any mood to tok juz now simply becoz of the dance lessons...

i saw her crying... i saw tears forming in her eyes from the side view.... wasn't at all in the mood to dance dat paticular portion when i saw her crying... i feel like going there to hug her, to pass her tissue to tell her to stop crying...

y muz she be responsible of everything...? y muz mdm li scld her when we the others haf the fault too...? i noe she cannot take it any longer... i noe she yearn to cry out.... but she resisted...din wan to ask her wad happen coz i noe she's trying to "breathe"... so i told the others not to ask anymore... i remained silent when i was beside her juz to let her haf dat kinda peacefulness again...

praying n hope dat she'll be fine... dun hide frm me galx... i knew it when u haf sumthink in ur mind n u dun wanna say out... rmb i'll always b dere for ya sake... hope dat things will turn out beta in cca... n dat we'll regain our smile again... hope dat those " monsters" will stop adding on to her pressure as well as us.... GOLD award juz for the sake of glory.... haiz

== caN ouR smilE bE regaiNed agaiN....? ==

is everYthinG juZ a liE....?

2005-02-24T04:15:00.000-08:00

Is everything juz a lie...? i really wonder...

sumtimes i really hope dat the truth will takes the place of the lie...

sumtimes.... things seems so real and sumtimes things juz go in the other direction whereby it's no longer real...

told myself not to ponder too much coz there's simply too much for me to think... wad's more i'll nv noe the truth.... till the day the secret lets go its roots and is planted on to another secret-seeker...

If creating a lie and deliberate hurting means sins..... den y do u still commit this kinda sin...?
I long to noe the truth.... the truth dat isn't the mask dat liars wear.... even if it has to be an ugly lie... juz let the truth be disclose for i nv wanna get hurt anymore...

If from the start it was a lie.... den y do this to me..? not the others but me...? choosing isn't a thing but y the deliberation...? is it the truth or m i juz thinkin too much....? i yearn to noe the truth....

let the truth be disclosed....

i'll forgive and forget as i promised....... nv hold against u.... nv blame u....

==iS eveRythiNg juZ becoZ of The woRds i usEd n it maKes u tHink daT u caN be lYke tHe paSt....? ==

thouGht of thE innocenT u iN the pasT sumtimes bacK.......

dReam...

2005-02-23T13:05:00.000-08:00

Each and everyone should have a dream in mind.

I'm just like the others.

I have a dream. To build a house rather have a house near to the sea. I can hear the waves whenever i'm around in the house. On a paticular day when i'm suffocated by a day oftroubles, i can go and sit by the sea to look at the faraway distance and forget all about the unhappiness. I adore the peacefulness there and my troubles will go with the sea to the faraway distance.

Standing at the balcony, i can see the sea clearly, sometimes even watching the sunset and sunrise if there happens to be a chance somehow.

Having pets like little puppies, kittens and rabbits in the garden with the potted plants and a SWING!(still young ar) I will built a kennel for the pups and bring baskets in to allow the kittens to sleep on. Whenever i go to the garden, i will see my little rabbits hopping here and there. It just seems like a blessed thing to see them being so lively.

A perfect dream with the dream house accompanied by the winter seasons! I love snow! someday, the house will be covered with snow. I'll bring the animals into the house and they will experienced the warmth there.

My ideal dream in life, I'm hoping that someday this will come true.

In my mind, I dream.....

[ Sikai iS a piG!--- dat's wad i'm suppose to rite... forgive me... lolx... u keep peeping at the words i'm writing so kiddy suggested this... ]

siCkeniNg n wad's haPpeniNg to eveRythiNg...?

2005-02-22T07:20:00.000-08:00

nth goes wrong in the morning tday... juz dat i duno y i felt real weak... as in my left leg... duno wad happen... thought nth was wrong dat time...

well.. i guess i gonna fail A maths... juz glad at least i passed my el...

HATE CCA!!! i'm gonna rmb this date this time n this period of time!! everything was fine initially den came after this particular break dat the instructor shouted at us calling... at the same time using vulgar words.... i mean HELLO! it hurts... wad's more it's totally ridiculous.
we have been keeping so many things dat made us unhappy inside.... well den he said GO WAD FOR STILL STAND THERE...? EVERYONE PACKED UP N GO! FIne! go go la... we packed n go... he's using the sec1 to get back on us.... FINE! NVM.. so we went... den came ms ho... n we sat down to negotiate things out.... she asked bout our opinions wad we're not happy at.... OK LO.. ppl start to say .... den wad... everything we say is WRONG! den wad for u want us to comment bout...??? coz no matter wad we say is wrong den we might as well dun say since the instructor n ms ho have different opinions.... we went for cca not for the sake of going ok..? dat's to b frank... well... we go for the sake of cca points n attendance.... everything is juz like forcing.... we were nv happy in dance... n wad's more.... we worked so hard hard n tiRed n suffered blue-blacks on the knees because of the continuous kneeling during practice n wad do we get...? ppl LOOKED DOWN on us.... we're juz like clowns out there... training so hard n brought shame to ourselves.... even the PRINCIPAL doesn't like us... i rmb once she came in to the hall n juz said... beta dun dance the previous dance for SYF n she said SURELY will nV get a gold...

ok i admit dat's a fact but pls juz spare a thought for us... wun u get hurt if sum1 juz say all this to u... we put in so much effort... we spent weeks n weeks of our holidays to practice.... we couldn't go back to sch so we find another public place juz for the sake of practicing n this is wad we deserve...? no1 sparing us a thought.... all u ppl one is the GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD award! if u ppl think it's dat easy... get it urself.... for the past few yrs our ex seniors got bronze n when we came in as sec1 we told ourselves to work hard not to bring further shame in.... they got silver in the end n wad...? still unhappy... changed our instructor! u ppl promise us not to change if we get a silver at leaxt n wad now...? where has the promise gone to...?

Ms ho asked for my comments juz now n i juz kept shut.... i felt it's no use having to tok to her when she's using all her logic to stack on our opinions... after which i felt unbearable n i juz told the instructor a comment n wad he SMILED n answered my que.... ok me n him kind of like to jk during dance but HELLO i'm toking bout serious stuffs here n u SMILED...? wad's all this...

the new sec1 r beginning to take all our posts away... no matter wad we're still ya seniors alright...? a gal who is chosen by mdm li to b the tem vice-chair even badmouthed bout us... FINE! u teachers choose to work wif them... n ignored everything bout us... spare a thought for stella too... it's hard to b a chairman ok...? groom them for all we care....this 2yrs plus we gained nth but shame...

STOP EVERYTHING!!! we've worked real hard but since u ppl insist we din den b it.... Nth muCh to say in this kinda condition....

+++juZ sParE a tHougHt foR uS... it ain'T eaSy to moVe thRough all tHIs barrieRs... siCk n tiRed.... sEttle everyThinG for oNce n all... +++

how's thE woRld liKe now.........?

2005-02-21T06:05:00.000-08:00

wanted to study after sch tday but since they have dat "musical concert".... nth went into my mind coz it was too noisy.... went sam's hs for a while n dat game was really full of fear at the same time hilarious.... well... ppl wif heart attack really cannot touched dat game... coz u really feel the fear n anxiety while holding on to the controller n carefully playing the game...

after which me n ryl got home.... we got out of sam's hs n saw dat the nearby "forest" is on fire... coz of the smoke! no wonder when we were in the canteen, ashes flew here n there n the smell was unbearable.... on our way hm, we saw 3 sec1 guys playing wif fire... we wanted to stop them but i guess it's of no use... anyway we juz walked away.... haiz...

was thinking dat wad will we becum if this world really becum "extinct"... hahx... dinosaurs... hmm... anyway can't talked much... having real bad sore throat.... sianz...

gotta revise now.... buai!

++++++i fElt so muCh foR ya pResenCe tdaY.... buT i waNted tHings to tuRned oUt thE opposiTe n whEn thinGs reallY do, i becuM so heart-felT.... wad to do...? mayB i shlD coNtinuE thE mistakEs fRom thE verY beGinninG++++++

so disTuRbed...

2005-02-19T04:34:00.000-08:00

fiRst of all... haPpy biRthday saM, my frenz!! hoPe u'll enjoy ur bd...

well... wake up early in the morning and reached sam hs at bout 10 pluz.... they were playing mahjong... n i duno how to play so i juz sit there n watched.... quite bored dat time... den they played a game... VERY FRIGHTENING!! ghosts with broken neck juz appeared suddenly... lolx.. well... i went back at arund 3 plux... going out to my ex-neighbour hs ltr.... i miss them alot!!

was taking bus 69 juz now and i duno y i'm juz disturbed by everything dat's happening.... n i stopped at the wrong busstop so i gotta walked a long distance to get to the rite one... haiz... wad's wrong wif me...?! i juz sensed dat i'm forcing myself to do things dat i dun like.... nvm...

still working on my new blog... finding another suitable skin.... i hope it can b finished very soon... i can't wait to delete this blog.... initially i was like can't bear to but now... i ought to let go bad memories ya... anyway...

once again haPpy biRthdaY saM!

(childRen aRe juZ childRen... thE usual thiNg theY do is tO smilE n luFf...)

mY reflEctiOn oN thE clAss dRama...

2005-02-18T22:30:00.000-08:00

This is my reflection on the class drama recently.

I was put incharge for the making of the props. Well, we have to stay back after school on certain days to finish up the imcompleted work. It's sort of a tiring task but i thought since we are responsible for the tasks, we got to do it well and good.

Initially, we discussed about the materials to use and how to go about doing theprops. Then, we went to buy stuffs that were needed for the construction of the props. Minor things like the drawing of paper money, the creation of the signboards were divided among the team. I have no difficulties in communicating with my team members, thus i'm grateful that each and everyone of them cooperates with me. Things turned out well while we did the props together. Everyone worked real hard and because of the hardwork and efforts, we managed to finish the props on time. (feared that there was not enough time to finish up everything)

The actors and actresses had several rehearsals and they did an excellent job. On the day of the performance, nothing went right and the play was successful. All thanks to the class efforts, hardwork and the spirits.

Amanda, the narrator, spoke fluently and acts on to the effect of the drama such as the dragging of words. Excellent job!

a rEal loNg day...

2005-02-17T08:57:00.000-08:00

got back ss results tday n i was quite happy wif my marks.. heex... at least i've worked hard...

went to xh hs after sch tday n went 4 tuition afterwards.... was thinking bout the whole matter ytd... it's so true so real dat i couldn't believe wad i've heard..... sigh... wada do... i'm juz wondering dat this world is really realistic.... this matter is so disturbing i thought... sumhow it lets me noe how much trust a person placed in me... nvm...

guess the start of march will b busy week wif those mini exams.... sianz.... i mean i rather want the common tests den this mini exam... this is like no difference from pri sch CA or sec major exams isn't it...? takes up mon-fri for sum classes... haiz... muz work hard no matter wad...

having a headache right now... so tired... refused to eat panadol... coz i simply hate to swallow pills... c how the condition goes den... have got stuffs to do after this long day....

hope she'll cheer up.... hope she wun think too much.... was shocked to c her liddat... hope she wun ponder too much... even if i'm not very close wif her, i'll b there whenever she nids me...

was so shocked n upset when i heard my mum's words on the phone... i couldn't believe it.. is this gonna b the situation...? kept on telling myself dat everything will b back to normal very soon...

~i duN mEan to dO all tHis to yOu... tRusT me, i nV wantEd.... i'vE no otheR cHoiCes deN thiS...4givE mE plS...~

wEll doNe 3E3!!!

2005-02-16T05:45:00.000-08:00

tday 3E3 is GREAT!!!! 3E3 rawkZ! well doNe actors n actresses!!! u ppl did a gd joB!

though the time was like quite strained for we, props ppl.... we're real happy dat we managed to finish every particular work assigned to us.... especially it's for the class... =) everyone worked hard arhx... the costume ppl did a gd job too..... with lala arund, NO PROBLEM! masks are nice....!!! heex...

was quite busy preparing for this drama ya....? but it's all worth it....

sitting right at the back of the hall tday.... cheering...clapping for them after everything... clapped real hard n loud n ppl looked to the back... hahz... wadever! if they think we're extra den let them b for all we know... we considered as the audience watched a real great performance....

parts like the st John..... was real hilarious.... anywaY overall 3E3 did a gd job....! well doNe n it has been hard on everyone.... =)

---- a gD dRama wiF a gD sciptwRiteR, diRectoR, naRratoR, actoRs, actResseS...----

sicK n tiRed of daNce.......

2005-02-15T07:49:00.000-08:00

i'm sicK n tiRed of my cca...... it's always the same old thing....kana scolding from dat instructor ya... haishh... but we always treat it as rubbish thing dat he's tokin abt... hack care... simply too tired... sec 1 gd arhx... sit there relac.... play play play.. not like us... barely got to rest n out of sudden i feel dat my whole body has no more strength but still got to continue....

sick sick sick..... i feel like quitting! i dun wan carry on this "game" anymore.... so many prices to pay n in the end wad do we get...??? got ourselves embarrassed, NO FACE! ppl out there nv spare a thought 4 us.... i mean HELLO! we prepared for a LONG period of time k...? we practically stayed for long hrs.... juz to finish everything n we got SHAME in the end... haiz... nvm.. i juz feel like saying everything out here.... keeping this inside our heart for long... GUess now it's time i juz BURST out everything... everything has a limit... haishh...

too tired... to do anything.... my knee huRts.... from all those kneeling,standing kneeling standing... i juz feel like covering the blanket n sleep in the dark for days n days n days........ dun wanna do anything le....

( adMiratioN of tHe 3 gooD buDdiEs)

haPpy vaLentiNe's DaY!!!!

2005-02-14T06:30:00.000-08:00

HappY ValentiNe's daY to all!!

well.... dunn feel lonely if u're alone coz valentine's day also means friendship day... so to all my lovely ones out there.... haPpy frieNdsHip daY too!!

well.... working on a new blog... initially i named this blog becoz i thought the palace ia so perfect n wonderful but now...? mayb i gotta change the is to was.... i simply HATE this blog... becoz of all those unhappy stuffs dat's stored here....

last sat though was a real fun thing... i invited those pals of mine to my hs for the CNY period... well.... ruru was cute... i told them to cum after 11 n ruru says she'll cum b4 11.30... den she might as well says she will cum at 11.00+1sec ya..? enjoyed dat day wif them its the real day when i think they brought much happiness to me... thankz palz!

whole class gotta chocolates frm kiddY... u noe wad.. it's real sweet of u... dat's the first valentine's day gift we got i guess... except for sum ppl arhx... like we noe who... lolx...and the letter ya...? nice... really nice... i guess i gotta make it fast for him n my tuition sweety cher to meet each other.... i'll b the matchmaker n i MUST get the red pkt!

was so tired working on the props tday... but no matter how tired i'm i'll do it well n gd for the sake of everyone in 3E3 becoz it's my responsibility... n i noe the actors n actresses will do well... gambette! u ppl can do it!!

---- a failuRe...?----

nTh sEems at aLL "nicE"...... wad'S wRonG...

2005-02-11T07:33:00.000-08:00

i wondeR wad's wrong wif this neW part of thE yr........ ntH seems to go smoothly for me...

i duN feel the presence of chinese new yr atmosphere... every yr the feeling was so strong... y is it dat this yr is so indifferent...? is it becoz many things have changed....? or is it becoz i no longer like the way things have turned out to b this new yr....?

haiZ.... juz wad's wrong wif everything.....?

sumhow i duno y.. but things in this world turned out to be... an evil person will always leave tiz world ltr n a kind-hearted person will always leave tiz world faster in contrast... a person who wishes to die will not die as he or she wishes but a person who is afraid of death always pass away first.... juZ wad has this world becum....? an unreasonable kind of state...? nvm bout dat... not refering to a particular matter anyway...

the queen will always b there sitting around, waiting for the prince to cum... bringin so much pain in into the palace.... isn't the palace supposed to b a blessed n comfortable place to stay in...? y is it dat everthing juz vanished in dat very second...? no longer joy.... leaving only pain, hatred n tears....

Who am to tell u how i feel abt u...? who am i to tell u dat i care...? and who am i to tell u dat i nv loved tiz queen at all...?

y muz all this things happen at this period of time and y muz i be the one who's suffering deep inside yet joyful on the outside...

sum1 ever says dat keeping sumthing to urself isn't a gd thing at all... but m i the one to make the choice...? i'm acting like an ingredient between the sandwich... i really duno wad to do... who to listen or wad so ever.... juz STOP everything coz i nv wish to hear more...

sumhow i wished the queen will restore the palace back into the original kinda state n not try to destroy everything again, this time round making the puzzle an incomplete one....

----it will alwaYs b a bRokeN one.. tiLL the daY everythiNg is bacK to noRmal----

HappY nEw yR

2005-02-08T10:55:00.000-08:00

first of all haPpy nEw yR to all... !!

maY thE neW yR bringS u joY.. happineSS n hopEs...

perforMed tday n it was sO embarrasiNg.... haiZ... yaya.. luff luff... continue luffing... used to it...

was so happy thinking of tnite's dinner wif everyone present at the dining table... but everything was ltr on spoilt... i dun wanna mention anything.... tired... soooooooooooo tired of everything...

dun wan spoil any1 mood.... so still.. havE an njoyable new yR!...

a reaL bad daY...

2005-02-06T04:30:00.000-08:00

Dat day I wasn’t in a real gd mood…. I wonder y…. I juz dun have the mood to smile.. so it was like eli kept asking me bout wad happened but I spoke nth….

Dun ask me y coz me myself duno wad’s going on…. Haiz more n more things r beginning to happen during tiz period of time… I’m tired… really afraid dat one day I cannot take it anymore…

I hate to do wad I dun like to do… wad’s more it’s under the pressure of several ppl… I simply hate it…. Perhaps I’m juz sorry… I juz feel like keeping everything to myself at dat point in time… can sum1 juz let me b…? I noe it would b beta if things r said out so dat sum1 can share the burden wif u….. but sumhow, I’ve got used to dat kinda feeling… I duno y… juz dat I thought dat feeling isn’t a stranger to me anymore…

Walked about shooping for sam’s bd gift wif ru n cin ytd…. Thought of going hm early coz I really dunn feel like going elsewhere in this kind of “mood”…. I dun wanna deceive any1 at dat point in time… I’m juz tired… so let me be… glad to haf cin accompany ytd…. Till the night falls, I have her acc…. Thankz palz…. I nv noe wad I’m going to do without this close frenz… I met sum1 ytd while going hm…. N everything went so dull…. Has it becum juz a hi n a bye n a hack-care stuff…? I really wonder…

=====A reaL baD daY====

:::: sumtiMes when thE pain haS staYed in uR heaRt foR loNg…. ThE pain will juZ becuM nuMb… till a daY u haVe becuM so uSed to daT kind oF f33liNg… :::::

went to the reserVoir n i begaN to realise dat liFe is juz like steppiNg stoNes...onCe u lose ur senses n stepped on the wronG shakY stoNes, u'll juz faLL...the woRse is a bad faLL will nV briNg u a tomorrow...

New contacT leNs....

2005-01-30T08:55:00.000-08:00

bought 3mths contact lens ytd.... initially i decide to wear on mon.. but i feared wad if there's sumthink wrong therefore i wore it tday... n i can't c things clearly! oh mY.... was like struggling to c tiny winy things....

went back to the optics n asked the person bout dat.... they actually giv me the wrong degree!!! haishh.... lucky they changed for me n dat i discovered earlier... if not... haishh...

was wif cin tday.... while we were in the bus, an irritating bee was resting on the window n flying here n there ltr on... therefore we switched seats... as u ppl noe i'm scared of bees...!!! lolx...

went to my gm hs ltr n helped them to make pineapple tarts.... not bad arhx...

the leftover dough was used to make a fish! hahz.... n the aluminium foil got burned! haahhahahz... coz there's too little thingy on the aluminium foil itself....

gotta study for test tml again.... ciaoz....

====*eveRythinG is oVeR so juZ leT bygoNes b bYgonEs.....*====

The twiNs!!!

2005-01-29T15:08:00.000-08:00

From wad i can rmb, last thur was the day when we have our first rehearsal for this coming chi new yr performance.

it starts at 3pm initially n i thought i was goin to b late for my tuition which starts at 5.45pm. but ltr on the time was changed to 2.30pm n it ends rather early den wad i've expected...

eli, ru n xh acc me to the bus stop n stayed wif me throughout till the bus came.... n when i reached my destination, it was kind of real early... therefore i went to the park to wait for my frenz.... while i passed a playground, i saw 2 kids.... n i came to noe they're twins! the very first time i walked past them, they called me... me was like kind of weird coz they were total stranger to me... but still they "played" with me... since they're juz kids.... i thought it wasn't dat difficult to make them happy.... they're real cute! b4 i went there... lotsa things were in my mind till i actually forget how to smile at dat very moment but ever since i saw the twins, i rmb my smile... i dunno y but i can feel... i can feel the presence of god who's trying to make me happy... n so i thought i shld stay positive throughout no matter wad happens... n i'll...

den i went for my tuition, after which nth much really happen at hm.... and i feel juz blessed...

=====> i'LL oNly rmB thE hapPineSs aNd i'LL foRgeT thE uNhapPineSS<=====

Catch!

2005-01-26T13:10:00.000-08:00

little dotty and little dutty went out to play one day. Dotty suggested to fish at a nearby pond so dutty went together with him for a fish.

they stayed there for about 3 hours, stil they did not manage to catch a fish. Therefore, dutty blamed Dotty for this silly idea of fishing. Dotty was real furious.

Then came the sound of the splashing of water and the moving of the fishing rod. "Oh! there's a fish! quick! catch it! catch it!" said Dotty.

Both of them were really excited. Dotty wind up the rod and instructed Dutty to grab hold of the fish.

Dutty followed the instructions carefully initially but as a matter of carelessness, the fish dropped back into the water and swam away immediately.

This time round, Dotty blamed Dutty for his carelessness!

uNbearablE teaRs strEamed dowN my facE as i cRied...

2005-01-22T15:23:00.000-08:00

actually i was in a real gd mood ytd... but once again everythink was spoilt....

the matter arise from my grandma again... she had juz rented a hs for $200 plus.. she has only leave for 2 days n ytd she called my dad to say she wanna move out again... as if my dad prints dollar notes... i'm sick... sick n tired of all tiz... i always c my dad sitting there not wanting to talk... juz like me when i'm in a foul mood... he always play a particular game to relieve his stress... dat's y sumtimes i juz leave him all by himself in my room to handle wif the com... this time round... my parents quarreled.... i duno wad i shld do or say... coz i'm indeed of no help...

my mom din want my grandma to move into our hs becoz we noe she'll not settle in one place permanently... wad's more she's dat sort who loves to complain alot... i noe she's old... but does it mean dat we shld juz giv in to her....? i'm real sick... hearing my mom sharing everythink wif my aunt... unbearable tears streamed down my face... somehow i din want them to noe i'm crying so i walked away... i hate the feeling when my loved ones ignore each other... i hate the feeling when the family is so quiet.... i hate it! i hate it!.... i couldn't sleep well for the whole of last nite... i dun understand y my grandma muz brin so much troubles..... i dun understand... for all i noe i've always loved her as my grandma but she simply treats me the opposite... forget it... i'm juz hurt...

last nite i prayed... it was the longest prayers i've ever prayed.... i wish HE will ans my prayers... n bring me out frm this pain... i wish my parents will reconcile... n i wish i wish my grandma will stop bringin troubles into our family....

looking at my dad, i found out he has aged alot...he nv fails to do his duty as a father n as a son... he cares alot for me n my brother.... n now i can't help him to do a thing... i'm so useless.... the only thing i can do is to pray....... to pray........

i'm afraid.. really afraid dat one day i'll juz cry out loud.....

=====it's the eveR fiRst nitE i crieD all bY myself.... =====

*feeliNg so blEssEd...

2005-01-21T15:47:00.000-08:00

sumthink happened just 13 days ago…. It’s sumthink dat makes me feel real blessed at the same time happy dat those times have not been wasted… =)

last sun was my grandma bd n we celebrated her special occasion by odering buffet… I got to see many of my relatives, cousins, aunties dat I’ve not seen for sum time. I waited for my baby cousin to cum, her name is Julia… heex… at last she came… when she first stepped into the hs.. she kept real quiet.. coz she’s juz not familiar wif us ehx.. den came a part when she says: “Auntie, meimei foot(food;I was juz trying to make her speech babylish)” hahaz.. she’s hungry… she only tok to her auntie(maid) n not us… after she ate her food… I took balls for her to play wif… coz she loves playing wif them… she was sooo happy dat she tok indian language, I mean language dat I dunno… hahaz.. it’s the communicating language between babies…

I was glad dat she started to get familiarise wif me… she called me: “Jie jiE! BeaR beaR!” haahz… it was dat winnie the pooh bear dat my brother left at my grandma hs when he was young… I rmb once she was eating again… n this time round my hands were real “itchy”… she had her hair tied with two ponytail,plaited… I played wif her hair… guess wad…? She talked to her auntie again… “Auntie! Ticki ticki!” hahaz… she was trying to say auntie she’s tickling my hair… hahaz….

Halfway through, I went for tuition… I can’t bear to leave her u noe… I was like immediately after the tuition I rushed all the way back to my grandma hs again… hoping to c her n I did…. Heex… too bad I din get my digital cam wif me the other time… I WANT a pict wif her….. pinCh pincH her cheek***

+ a faMily gatHerinG likE thiS makEs thE elderlY hapPy coZ theiR gReatest wisH is to c eveRy oF heR loveD oneS gathErinG juZ liKe tHis waY…. +

shooting staR....

2005-01-14T23:10:00.000-08:00

havE anyonE seeN befoRe a shootiNg star...?

hoW nice it would b if i din miss it the other time... in australia... will our wish really cum true?
wondered if anyone ever tried it b4... sumhow shldn't b so superstitious.... if wishes cum true so easily, everyone will not b suffering for a bit....

wad r troubles really like...? i felt sad for my cousin who's 11 yrs old... though she's at a young age, she is more matured den anyone of us.... coz she experience lotsa things dat many of us dun... her parents are going to get a divorce... she called me one day, crying.... she din tell me she can't bear to let go one of them but i noe she's crying... crying bitterly....

she can be my advicer for all my troubles or problems n now i juz hoped to stand by her side... acc her till the end of the problem.... i noe sumhow there'll b a change in the situation.... there'll be....

praying for my dearest cousin............ ='(

A foRm of relief peRhaps....

2005-01-14T23:05:00.000-08:00

It has been days ever since my sick pet fish left the aquarium. Seriously, I’m relieved dat it has reached its “end day”. I mean not in the sense as in I’m heartless or wad so ever but because I rather it b this way den it suffering for months without food n staying there upside down. I rmb there was once when I can’t bear to c it so flat as in juz like ppl when u’re hungry, ur stomach seems flat. Therefore, I took sum prawns n feed it but it spit everything out… poor thing… so at least now it does not haf to suffer any longer.

I wonder when my com will be repaired. Miss my blog, my tagboard, my mail, friendster and many others… oRh dun say anymore if not I’ll b suffering from “com-sicK”. Juz hope my brother wun “deli dali”… still I guess it’s hard coz he’s working almost everyday n wad’s more reaching home late in the night has becum a habit to him…

Suddenly I thought of the stones that are placed on the path of the reservoir… hey dun ask me y coz I really haf no idea myself… they’re juz dead greyish stones n I dun understand wad I c in them… hahz… memories wif ryl perhaps…. Back to those days wif those splashing of water, shouting of voices, naming of “rocks” wif those different sizes of stones… hahz.. cum to think of it, it’s a real funny thing…

::::::: sumtiMes noT all thingS musT bE said… coZ there’ll bE a daY whEn the tRutH will bE madE kNown…. :::::::

oRangE...

2005-01-14T22:57:00.000-08:00

thought of the word "orange"..?

such a simple word yet many things can be thought of from this word...

things like the fruit itself... with the orange flesh in the inner part of the fruit... during new yr, oranges serve as an important thing when visiting relatives. Every morning the orange sun reflects a brand new day. when the sun sets, the orange sun sets, leaving the rest of the day dark.

sports such as basketball and netball use sports ball which are orange in colour. the colour orange can be found in vegetables too, vegetables like carrots.

posters colours consist the colour-orange too. it is normally used for light colouring, perhaps to show that something is not dull and dead, with lives perhaps.

nV a gd fRenz....

2005-01-13T15:30:00.000-08:00

Sad to say I’m very disppointed wif myself… for not being a gd frenz perhaps…

We used to b as close as wad close frenz should b but now not even a sense of closeness any longer… juz normal frenz..? perhaps… coz sumhow we dun really tok to each other as in I thought no frenz will behave like us… haiz… this time round.. sumhow I din wan to tok too much bout this… it has occurred too many times till I duno wad I must say..

I wrote in my journal regarding this so mayb all dat I nid to say is there… those dat I juz wanna keep inside my heart I’ll nv say a word bout dat… wad’s more since everythink r adjusted den let it b wad it needs to b…

Prayed all day n nite hoping dat my prayers will b answered.. I told HIM everything n I noe I’ll have his blessings… sumhow after saying everything to HIM, I felt so relaxed n I’m no longer like last time u noe after sumthink happens den I’m always in a negative kinda mood…. I THANK HIM once again for all dat he has doNe…

I noe time will heal everything. The words dat was once said will be changed after all we’re not as close any longer…. Perhaps this time round nth can change my mind…

~~~ I pRomiSe mY dat mY caRe n coNcern will liVe in u foRever… juZ dat u duN c it…~~~

family first?

2005-01-13T15:07:00.000-08:00

MY brother did not managed to get into the police side whereby he can sign a contract of 5 yrs I think…. Haiz… juz too bad dat he wasn’t selected. I guess his feeling will b terrible eh..? imagine one fine day u receive a letter n it wrote: “Thank you for participating in our duno what, however we can’t have u chosen….” I mean sumhow anyone who receives this kinda letter will feel upset isn’t it…? Moreover I was juz trying my best to put myself in his shoes….

Well now, regarding my paternal side’s grandma den…. She managed to get the amt of $ from the apartment dat she has sold…. I mean wad’s the use of having so much $ when u urself has nowhere to live n when u made ppl(my uncle n wife) no apartment to live too… wad’s more she can now perhaps rent or buy a place where she can settle down wif those $.. I juz dun understand wad was all those bothering dat he kept giving to my dad. I could c dat my dad wasn’t in a gd mood… n I couldn’t say anythink too… after all.. I’m juz a kiD in their eyes isn’t it….

[==+==+==nV oNce a pEacefuL tHinG==+==+==]

Glass

2005-01-07T13:09:00.000-08:00

shattered one....

broken pieces....

glass bottles with letters in it....

+++++++ glass table with lots of lovely stuff on it... +++++++

glass is fragile and thus it breaks easily...

heart....?

a broken heart is just like a glass....

mirror...showing your real self...

vase with lovely flowers....

loNg loNg day wiThout blogging...

2005-01-07T12:45:00.000-08:00

it has been a long long long time ever since i blog a new entry....

mY CPU is spoilt...... ='(

haiz... school starts again.... sianz... so busY... everyday there's hw 4 us to do...

no familiar teachers except kid... heex... A maths is tedious but fun... somehow the sch has changed alot... as in timetable..?

one more extra lesson.... n sch ends at 1.45pm frm mon to thurs..... fri..? 12.40 i guess... cca day falls on tue n fri... 3 hrs b4 SYF n 2 hrs after SYF....

( getTinG oN busY buSy......... buZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... )

loNg loNg day wiThout bloggin

2005-01-06T20:35:00.000-08:00

tHe wintER timE of tHE yR...

2004-12-23T15:40:00.000-08:00

He comes in the night! He comes in the night!
He softly, silently comes;
While the little brown heads on the pillows so white
Are dreaming of bugles and drums.
He cuts through the snow like a ship through the foam,
While the white flakes around him whirl;
Who tells him I know not, but he findeth the homeOf each good little boy and girl.
His sleigh it is long, and deep, and wide;
It will carry a host of things,
While dozens of drums hang over the side,
With the sticks sticking under the strings.
And yet not the sound of a drum is heard,
Not a bugle blast is blown,
As he mounts to the chimney-top like a bird,
And drops to the hearth like a stone.
The little red stockings he silently fills,
Till the stockings will hold no more;
The bright little sleds for the great snow hills
Are quickly set down on the floor.
Then Santa Claus mont to the roof like a bird,
And glides to his seat in the sleigh;
Not a sound of a bugle or drum is heard
As he noiselessly gallops away.
He rides to the East, and he rides to the West,Of his goodies he touches not one;
He eateth the crumbs of the Christmas feast
When the dear little folks are done.
Old Santa Claus doeth all tht he can;
This beautiful mission is his;
Then, children be good to the little old man,When you find who the little man is.
--Author Unknown

A good time is coming,
I wish it were here,
The very best time in the whole of the year;
I'm counting each day on my fingers and thumbs --the weeks that must pass before Santa Claus comes.
Then when the first snowflakes begin to come down,
And the wind whistles sharp and the branches are brown,
I'll not mind the cold,
though my fingers it numbs,
For it brings the time nearer when Santa Claus comes.
--Author Unknown

2 moRe days to chRistmas!

"onCe you'Ve lovEd, u'll alwaYs lovE. For wad's iN youR miNd maY escapeS but wad's iN uR hearT will remaiN foReveR"

the diffeRence..?

2004-12-21T23:50:00.000-08:00

tday is the day when we eat "tang yuan".... i duno the el... guess it's riceballs..?

my mum made lotsa them... n so our job is to EAT! i dunn really like to eat them since young... BUT my brother loves them... the things he likes i dislikes... the things he dislikes i likes... hahaz.. take persimmon for e.g. i hate them because of the weird taste n smell... but he LOVES them... wondering if he's my brother... !? hahaz...

went for tuition tday again... n this time round it's real hilarious... quite enjoyable actually... my tuition cher's chinese standard not beli gd so he couldn't speak mandarin dat fluently... so he kept on teaching us wrong words... n now common sense become sumthink like "chang zhi" ... i din noe such word exists... hahaz... he purposely spoke in an american-chinese accent... it's damn funnY!! hahaz... he bought a pkt of chips n passed round the class... but not many took it... i realised this class is taking after 2E1....

saw my ex-tuition cher tday... n she "beat" me up... saying dat i'm not attending her class this yr... too bad she's no longer teachin A maths... if not i really yearn for her to teach.... she's real BEST! miss her so much... rmb she kept on sayin dat her "prince" has not appear n so we'll always bring male teachers photo for her... hahahz... den she act act... but she's cute...

==== w0NdeRinG aBouT thE facTs.... ====

tHe scaRiesT scenariO duRinG lesson...

2004-12-19T16:05:00.000-08:00

mY first lesson of Add maths starts today....

was so surprised when cindy n i stepped into the class full of unknown ppl.... we din noe anyone of them except one from my pri sch.... so can u imagine how scary dat was...? was even more surprised when our teacher turn out to be him... hahaha... perhaps cin n me mistook him for sum1 else... not a bad teacher... as wad my neighbour says... not bad looking.. hahaz... i could understand wad he teaches... so overall can lahx...

nxt tue will be going at 5pm... a change of time... he wanted to teach us the first lesson dat we have missed... coz actually cin n me start tuition ltr den those in the class... so we're consider new students in the class... heex... not bad arhx... still wanna spend time teaching us things we have missed...

saw those A maths solutions... quite tedious coz really require lotsa thinking... but not bad it's FUN!!! hahaz... especially when it has nth to do wif real maths...! as in formula...
learnt the no. of elements today which is chapter two in our add maths bk... sum sort a bit like sci... lolx... elements..

can't stand the guy... i mean another student... kept on talking nonsense de... interrupt wad the cher wanna say... haishh... our class seems a bit like 2E1... u noe when i first stepped into the class... it was DEAD silence!!! frightening ehx..? luckily i wasn't alone... maybe because we hadn't adapt to the class surrounding yet... so hope it wouldn't be the same as 2E1... hahaz..

dead beat but still i can't wait for tml dance session... i want the dance steps to be finished within this few practices so no more worries... but it's real tedious to think of the steps...
gave cin her bd present tday... hope she likes dat watch which like i've save lotsa $ to buy for her dat... she's a good frenz... =) she'll always b dere for me when i'm sad. happy or even angry... we share lotsa secrets...juz like sisters coz we knew long long long ago back in pri sch... even my mum noe her quite well ehx... =) hapPy bd ciN...

:::~~ we'Re so nEar yEt we sEem to bE so faR...:::~~

liFe is jusT lyKe a dReaM....

2004-12-18T17:45:00.000-08:00

life is jusT liKe a dReam....

sumtiMes we haVe beautifuL dReams.... but sumtimes we haVe niGhtmaRes.... buT eaCh tiMe whEn wE woKe up fRom a dReam.... a bRand neW daY is hEre... juSt riGht inFronT of uS....

wHo nV wanTs t0 sTay awaY froM niGhtmarEs n bE surrouNded bY beautiFul memoriEs...? buT sumHow wE canNot deciDe whaT we reaLLy wanT iN lifE....

i wOkE uP oNe daY tO fiNd onLy niGhtmaRes noT beauTifuL meMories.... eveRythinK seEms so friGhtening oN dat paRticulaR daY... oNe nigHtmarE afteR anothEr... i alMost caN't takE it anYmore...

bUt i toLd mYselF... i waS lucKy to bE ablE to waKe up fRom daT nighTmarE n noT geTtiNg huRt mEntallY.... tWo niGhtmaRes at a tiMe... n i wAs so aLone.... so aloNe duRinG thE bitteR colD nigHt whEn i wAs walkiNg iN mY dReam... tHe niGhtmaReS............

---[lEt thE tRuTh bE thE truTh n noT thE liE]---

mr n mrs paintEr...

2004-12-16T20:58:00.000-08:00

the comedy starts with mr n mrs painter... lolx.... my house is in a mess because mr n mrs painter are painting my house... they change my room colour n they dun allow me to play... erm.. play in the sense of trying put how to paint arhx.. i'm curious u c..

my brother's room done! sky blue.. nice... =)

finish writing those letters... for replying lala... heex... hope she wun find too much too read... coz sum are small short tiny notes... heex... spending time for dat is worth it... heex...

my poor pet fish... it has been there upside down for 2-3 weeks... din get to eat nor swim... so poor thing... i put sum food into the water but it din touch a bit on it.. so i took it out... hope it'll recover soon.. juz like me! i've RECOVERED!! yipee... u noe human life is the best..? i'm back to human life again.. u noe eating the normal human food...? n not everyday plain porridge! cum to think of it now i have a phobia for porridge... so dun ever offer me porridge! hahaz...

[sPecialtY wiLL taKe tHe plaCe of You alwaYs]

thE pReciouS one....

2004-12-15T15:35:00.000-08:00

hMm... feeling beta after tiz few days of resting n rotting at home and so i'm bacK here to talk nonsense again... lolx...

ytd was my birthday... =) n noe wad...? i'm reaL happY though i couldn't celebrate coz i'm sicK... happy bout wad...? not because i've got presents... not because it's my special day... but because my lovely ones(friends) have the thought of remembering my bd... each time one send me a birthday greeting i feel so fortunate.... fortunate to have them sharing this special day wif me...
so friends out there... u noe who u're... but still i would like to mention u ppl... heex... need to thank mahx... Nurril, maNda, stElla, chEryl, hui miN, jacoB, freemaN, ciNdy, aN unknowN persoN, elizaBeth, jie han, grace n jEss(jie)... thaNkz peepS...

got quite some presents from different ppl... but i thought the present dat i would cherish the most is the chain wif my name in it n those lovely letters n a card.... not because they're beautiful or wad but because this gift contains lots of sincerity.... every letter has cute drawings even with my name... those designs were nicely decorated.... those words dat she(lala) wrote to me are really touching...n the chain got the colour dat i like but it's not because of the colour but because she managed to find out the colour i like by observation not like sumone told her or sumthink... sometimes we think dat having a frenz is juz like wad it's thus sometimes we tend to neglect those ppl around us who care.... dat's the first thing i thought of when reading those letters.... i'll keep those letters in my "treasure box"(a box i thought only things dat i treasure can b put inside) , i'll let the chaiN b oN my hp because she has one n i have one... =) and i'll keep those words dat she has written in my heart...

**iF thE bRidge dat wE walKed haS bEeN bRoKen... i'll fiNd a waY to meNd it bacK like b4 n0 mattEr how lOng or tedious it taKes.....**

+===++++===::[ nana N lala--->fRenZ foReveR ]::===++++===+

teRRiblY siCk....

2004-12-13T13:54:00.000-08:00

siGh... once again... i'm terribly sick....

having fever for the past 3 days... accompanied by headache, vomitting n tummy upset...
been feeling so terrible this few days.. sigh...

there was once when my temperature shot up to 38.7 degree celsius.... was feeling so "burn-up" this few days... couldn't sleep well on the first night despite having taken those medicine which make me real sleepy....

no symptoms at all to tell me dat i'm gonna be sick just sudden high fever at night dat time... sigh.. hope i'll recover in no time... i hate the feeling of being sick... especially this time round... it had been so so so terrible....

haven't been online lately because of this...... sigh... >_<

------> teRRiBly sicK<------

taNned taNned......

2004-12-06T23:02:00.000-08:00

sobx sobx... after dat day when i went swimming, i realised i've becum tanner.... ='(

no good no good.....

hmm... gonna stayed at hm for the whole day again.... boRing... watched tv programme from 11 to 3.. coz the programme start exactly during tiz time... after 3 i have no idea wad i'm going to do... sianZ....

nothing much to tok about so wad can i say... haisHh...

me gonna cut my hair tmr... not really cut coz i still nid dat length for the oncoming performances.... so perhaps i'll be out tmr for the while afternoon.... going elsewhere..

stopping here coz i really dunno wada say.... bwai!!!

~::~ foRgeT eVeryThinG n leT natuRe takeS its couRse... ~::~

tHe swiMming stoRy....

2004-12-06T16:05:00.000-08:00

nothing mucH todaY so juz wanna tok a little bout ytd...

went swimming wif my cousins ytd.... actually i din noe how to swim n i was so afraid dat i would drown to death... =X cannot blame me for dat coz ever since young i had a fear for water coz i almost drown... so from dat day onwards i dun dare touch a bit of the swimming pool water... i'm serious not jk arhx....

wow... ytd... ='( i drank alot of water...!!!! i'm not thirsty but i juz drank lotsa water... hope i can learn how to swim soon so i can forget bout the fear for dat "monster"... my cousin said if one is afraid of water it would b real difficult to learn swimming... ya quite true..

i duno how i got dat cut on my finger... it hurts.. especially when soap got into dat cut.... OUcHHH...

tiz few days r real boring.... nth much to do... having been online for long... tired...... >_<

====iF thiNgs r meaNt to b iMpossible deN duN giVe a staRt to it.. ====

wHat aRe thE w0ndeRs of lifE...?

2004-12-03T15:25:00.000-08:00

it has been a long long long long time ever since i go online.... i saw new changes as in my tagboard got weird ppl responding... my mail inbox got flooded... got so much "business" in friendster....

kinda busy tiz few days.... was so tired till i can doze off while sitting on my bed or even sofa....

i HATE the alarm clock!!! i woke up at 4.30am tday..... i duno wad happen or whoever did sumthink to my alarm clock..... so i simply juz knock it down... yawn.....

dance dance dance..... everytime dance dance dance.... n wad's more 2 different dance now... sianz... the AVA room smells!!!! paint some more....!! arghs... makes my nose so itchy.... is the 1st floor gonna be green...? the 2nd floor creamy kinda yellow...? the 3rd floor duno wad n 4th pink..? i think i saw those colours if i din rmb wrongly.... different levels gonna be painted different colours n the school is going to be reeked wif dat erks smell...

my big fat pet fish is sick.... sigh... sat on my sofa early in the morning wanting to wear my socks den saw dat fish turnin n turnin n turnin non-stop.... praying hard for it to recover soon... i dun wan to see another life gone juz liddat....

++==++== oNce a frenZ alwayS a fRenz.......... ++==++==

thE bottlE of cRanes...

2004-11-27T22:25:00.000-08:00

found out sumthink dat help me feel more relaxed.... after so much problems dat i encounter, i folded lotsa cranes juz last nite..... n i found out dat i din think bout all those unhappy things instead was focusing to finish filling up the whole bottle with my folded cranes....

i once folded 180 cranes n hung them up in my living room during chinese new year so i thought to finish up dat bottle wasn't dat difficult actually.... dat bottle isn't dat small ... but i guess i can finish it up.... my wish on tiz is dat one day i can give tiz bottle of cranes away to sumone special i guess... i haf no one in mind now... so leave dat for the moment.... i'll juz concentrate on finishing it up...

i feel dat having placed all the folded cranes into the bottle juz seems something pleasant to me as in all my troubles seems to get into the bottle.... i folded them not because i have nothing better to do but because it really helps me let go all my troubles.... i dunno y... i guess other den going to the reservoir n going to run/jog several round the stadium, folding cranes is the other useful method me....

i folded quite alot last nite.... i din wan to sleep so early coz i noe i wun get to sleep instead i'll think of lotsa things... so i rather i use dat time to fold them.... they're really colourful.... juz glad dat my troubles had gone into tiz bottle filled wif colouful cranes...

i hope i can fill up the bottle before holiday ends.... i'm sure the feeling of seeing a whole full bottle of cranes is marvellous... especially when u put in lotsa efforts n hardwork... hope i can find dat sumone who is special... a frenz........

+++++ afteR eXperienCing so muCh... i've lEarN to let go....n i seems to b moRe relaxeD...+++++

tErRibly uPsEt...... ='(

2004-11-26T14:50:00.000-08:00

~~~evErthinG sEems t0 eNd hEre~~~

i dun understand y muz troubles cum to me so often.... i'm terribly upset tiz time round.... another matter arise juz yesterday nite....

look like i dunn haf to explain anythink coz i find it'll only make things worse as in sumhow my words cannot b understand... so wad's the use of explaining... it'll only fall on deaf ears n be interpreted in the wrong idea again...

i dunn blame dat sum1 for having thought dat i've made use of dat sum1... so long i noe it myself.. i felt not a nid to explain any further... coz sumthink tells me dat it's of no use.... no longer will salvage a thing instead it'll only make things worse... so i rather it be tiz stage den sumthink even more serious.... guess tiz is the ever first time i experienced tiz kinda thing n i've learnt lotsa things out of it.... mayb i shld b grateful to dat sum1.... i din regret having noe dat sum1.... but since things r now liddat... i'll juz leave it... let nature take its course... god knows i've work really hard but i still can't change a thing... will b praying for dat sum1 to ask for god's blessing to giv dat sum1 a beta companion....

i'll nv b a gd companion.... coz a good companion would nv hurt a closed one... would nv made dat sum1 sad n moody.... dat sum1 has chose a wrong person.... indeed a wrong one.... coz i'll nv be the one who can giv dat sum1 sumthink definite....

pushing the blame to myself...? i can tell myself dat i'm not coz everyone has his or her faults n if we nv do anythink to ammend the mistakes.... i consider it as a sinner... i did nth so i feel so...

i yearn to know dat ans... but since dat sum1 din tel me i noe dat sum1 has an ans in heart.... i noe the ans very well... den be it... it'll be ok... if dat makes dat sum1 happy... i'm willing to... i guess i shld pay for wad i did.... isn't it... i'll accept the fact....

sumone once told me i care a lot for dat sum1... n i take her words coz i really care for dat sum1... but now... everythink is over.... i wun b moody i wun b sad.... i'll juz wait for tiz very day dat sum1 will return to become my companion again.. whereby we'll nv haf any more disturbance, disagreements.......

[[[[[[[[= pls god... blessed dat sumone dat a beta companion will be there... =]]]]]]]]

m i really tired...? i guess so.... i slept really late last nite... thought of lotsa things dat prevent me from having my rest... n i woke up real early tday... hoping dat sumthink new will happen tday...

== terriblY upseT ytd n tdaY..... uNbeaRable tEars streaM dowN my faCe the veRy nite bEf0Re.... i kept tHinkinG.... tHinking....tHinking.... ==

giddYness is thE woRst of all....

2004-11-25T13:40:00.000-08:00

din sleep well last nite... went in to lie on the bed at bout 11 pluz.... but i only slept at 1 pluz.... sigh... wad's wrong wif me.... tiz few days have becum so disastrous for me... i'm rotting at home..? i'm not sure either.... woke up early in the morning for dance 2day n i felt so giddy.... haiz.... muz be the lack of rest....

last nite my ex-neighbour called again n we tok but tiz time not for long coz she has sumthink on so we sms a while after dat... maybe 1 of tiz day i'll hang out wif her to take sum photographs for her art... mi duno wad's dat.... lolx... last nite my brother's gf mother bought a swensen ice cream cake.... not bad.... my brother got lotsa present... hahaz... a bottle of cookies, a converse bag, a cute little "pillow", a red packet n sum other thinks.... wonderful eh...? hahaz... juz hope he haf an enjoyable day...

learn sum new steps tday.... hmm... nth much to say juz hope we can finish all the dance steps in no time... gonna get my new spec tday.... hope it dunn look weird... i saw 1 partial-frame the other day but it was kinda expensive so i bought the other one.... hmm.. den nth else... bye!

----::: tHe sweetNess wiLL remaiN till tHe daY suMthinK take oVeR:::----

mY dEarEst neighbouR...

2004-11-23T23:36:00.000-08:00

i miSS heR s0 muChhhh!!!!! ---mY dearest neighbouR...

last nite she called n i was so surprised! heex... we tok til bout 12 at nite nehx.. long chat isn't it...? i really miss her... ='( i miss those time wif her coz no matter wad we grow up together.... sigh.. den now she move house.... haiz... but nvm at least we still got contact eh...

meet at mac 2day... hmm.. not much change in her though... yearn to c her sis but din get to c her tday.. too bad... we tok alot... too much to say actually... she's so funny.... kept on asking me que dat made me so embarrassed.... den i ask her the same que back she act ignorance... gd arhx... hahaz..

too bad she gonna go cut her hair if not we could stay a little longer.... haiz...

wad's up tday...? my brother's birthday.... s0 wish him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY.... nth much to say actually... tiz few days my com got "fever" so i cannot go online.... but now mi back again.... hmm..

===~~ wHen wiLL thE daY cuM....?? i'm waitiNg.... ~~===

sumthiNk reas0nable..?

2004-11-23T01:27:00.000-08:00

sumthink reasonable..?
thought of sumthink which made me really think alot... haiz... wad's the outcome gonna be... i really duno... sumhow i feel as if tiz wun stay long coz it's like almost nothing more to say..
wanting to try hard again but tiz time round sumthink pulled me back... is it the coldness dat i'm experiencing? or is it the fact dat i've already lost my post...? i thought of lotsa things but everytime i told myself dat dat isn't true... it's juz my own thinking... n i refuse to accept... but sumhow i noe tiz is true.... from the things or rather experiences dat i got in return... i understand dat tiz is going to be true... sigh... my words are no longer important.... my presence is not longer important too... everything has changed... the past will nv return... i noe it.... perhaps it's juz me who is unwilling to let go.... where does the problem lie..? sumone has juz given up i guess if not nothing will nv be perfect as in in "the" eyes...

went back to sch tday n found out dat i got into 3E3... but i dunno y there is not a bit of happiness in me... i was so emotionless.. sigh... perhaps it's like not in the mood to noe bout dat coz i believe dat god will giv me his blessings... once again.. THANK GOD... i thank u 4 ur blessings of everything.... found out again dat the coldness has cum back... tiz time more serious...? i duno... but sumthink tells me so... i din noe wad n i dun wish to noe...
before i forget.... the advice given by my wonderful frenz... stella... heex... LISTEN NOW! here goes the advice...: let go of things dat obviously have no endings.... sumthink liddat if i hadn't 4get.... nice advice isn't it...? tiz applies to u noe wad... those matters bahx... but it's quite true... ppl say patience pays off but think again... is it worth it to wait for things dat will NEVER have an ending...? maybe it is maybe it isn't.... depending on which angle u choose to think... sigh...
if i noe tiz will nv have a gd ending... i'll still be sure to say i nv regret to giv it a try... coz all the experiences n memories gained sre priceless.... if one day the outcome will be like wad i think.... i wish sumone all the best....

i kEpt tHinKing......

2004-11-18T17:18:00.000-08:00

i kepT tHinking..... but i still can't find the answer...is dat truE...? i'm n0t sure myself either...

d0 i really deserve dat...?

if i did sumthink wrong i ratheR i get punished in another way n not like tiz.... sincerely i'm upset... upset by the fact dat i myself is the cause of everything dat results in the changing of all matters.... hate myself 4 dat....

things turn out tiz way... i din mean it... but since tiz would be a beta way.... i rather it tiz way...

i'm still thinking of sn0w.... i duno y... mayb because i thought snow is the most beautiful thing in life... juz like a story begin wif the snow... winter time... coolx... sn0w aNgeL..

======= is tiZ wad i shlD deseRvE...? i kept thinkiNg n thinKing=======

~ nEW laYouT~

2004-11-17T21:44:00.000-08:00

wOooH a neW layout d0ne at last.... acknoledgements: ciN

went out for badminton around noon wif cin..... the suN was s0 HOT dat it spoiled my mood.... so we hang out at cooler places 1st... went back to the same spot thinking dat it's a bit cooler but still played 4 a while nia... den we ciaoz... cin followed me home... hmm... she teach me sumthink too.. not bad... thankz 4 dat when u go through sumthink in the bible... wink*

nothing much actually.... too many days nv blog le i also cannot rmb wad i wanna say so let it b bahx....

still working on my blog.... wanna add sumore things inside...

for now mayb i wanna say wad happen the past few days for wad i can rmb...
it all started wif my grandma... initially... she quarrel wif my dad's brother's wife den they decided to sell the house dat they live in... so my grandma moved to my dad's sis hse n end up wif a quarrel again.. alamak! den wad happen nehx...? she li jia chu zou... without tellin anyone... haiz... so eveyone worried especially my dad... he went to search for her.... but to no avail... n so the nxt day he contacted his sis n asked for relatives' contact.... n found her ltr... haiz... tired of all tiz... can say me n my grandma not on gd terms.... i only on good terms with the other side... haiz... more troubles r yet to cum wif her around so really vexed.. especially seein my parents liddat... but now THANK GOD they're ok le.... at least those prayers pay off... =)

-------+++ 5 yrs g0NE..... eveRthinG g0ne...? mayB tiZ is thE rEal eNdiNg...--------+++

a MeaNingful daY...

2004-11-12T18:05:00.000-08:00

pErhaps tiZ would b the eveR daY i felT daT i had d0ne the ritE thiNg...

i had sort of a conflict wif her juz sum days ago... but now 2 me everythink is back to a new start.. mayb i dun wan the past to cum back... i wan a new start so dat i can treat tiz as a great opportunity to get to noe her even beta n mayb den conflict wun get in our way... =) sumhow i really feel like tellin her dat she's the ever one who makes me work so hard in get order to hang out wif her... because she's special...
i passed her a letter tday coz i sort of not really noe wad to tel her in person so i thought a letter would do a gd job... i hope i din say anythink wrong in the letter... juz hopes she understand my meaning which is not every fault lies wif her but perhaps the lack of understanding at times dat lead to the misunderstanding... n i haf the confidence dat she'll understand... she'll she definitely will... actually cum to think of it... tiz conflict helps too... helps me to noe how impt she's to me as a special frenz...

B+I+B+L+E~S+T+U+D+Y
YEaH! me n cheryL have bible study tday... hmm.. learn lotsa things during dat period of time... not bad eh..? BUT got homework... ='( nah... juz kiddin.. memorisin izzit...? my strengTH... si bei shu... hahaz... pRay pRay pRay...* haf to THANK 4 his time to teach us so manY things... kiddy wan sui! lolx... kiddy so "young" noe so many thinks liaoz... we tiz age still duno as many things as him... can dig a hole n bury our face... heex... still thankz kiddy...

===<><> because of HIM i noe life caN b full of miracles<><>===

hApPy BiRthdaY DadDy!!

2004-11-10T22:30:00.000-08:00

first of all... HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD... hope he'll like the present i gave him.. spent an enjoyable there outdoor... hope he had a memorible birthday too... nxt coming up would b my brother's b'dae den me n my mum.. so coincidental eh..? all in nov n dec...

mood 2day...? guess a bit beta bahz.. but still i cannot find the reason to y... 4get it... if not i'll b thinkin too much le...

haf decided not to go badminton tiz friday... n aniwae cin call it off too... actually i only thought of sumhow sum1 returns the racket back n nth else.. wad's more can i expect... i dunn feel like seein anyone(from dat grp) like wad i told cin... so mayb i did the rite thing...

actually i saw dat sumbody ytd only dat sumbody din saw me... nvm bout dat...

ask ju for dat favour of helpin me n ryl 4 dat job... hope it works well...

::: tiZ tiMe rouNd i ch0se noT to tell any0ne.. u caN saY i'm n0t a gd frenZ n0T a gd sistEr... stiLL i chosE to hidE eveRythink :::

y m i m00dY...? sigh!

2004-11-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

wake up early in the morning again... last nite got a last min news dat we'll haf our self-practice thingy 2day.. sianz... dun feel dat good 2day... haiz...

wad's wrong wif me...? i dun even noe it myself... wasn't in the mood to tok 2day so i practically kept quiet throughout the whole hours... it's not as if i din wan to contribute the ideas but sumhow sumthink stopped me from opening my mouth i din noe wad dat was....

i guess 2day's practice was wasted... hope i can think of sumthink at hm... so dat i can help out too... but i doubt it can work... anyway.. wad's wrong wif me...??? not in the mood to read to talk to rite.. n sms even... haiz... be it den.. mayb it would b beta tmr...

[ juZ wannA staY rite aT a coRneR to hide all mY thougHts ]

i'M s0 tiRed...j0b ain't easY t0 finD...

2004-11-08T20:45:00.000-08:00

went 4 cca as usual at 8 to 11... sianz... blue-black on the knee again...haiz... gonna buy the knee pad thingy if not i really duno wad'll happen to my knee nxt time...

after which went reservoir park wif ryl n ru.... same "activity" again... tiz time not really dat soothing coz not much things bottled up inside my heart so like kinda playing... hahaz... sat on the rocks n looked across.. really beautiful... i really like the peaceness there... if only everday i spent my days there... i'm sure if i really can... i'll b the 1st carefree person in the world.. muahaha... but it seems true... thought of renting a bike to cycle there but the 3 of us decided to find a job... hahaz.. cool ehz..? lolx..

went bedok n ask n ask n ask... our code or rather my code: cheryl... old method.... hahaz... we asked n asked n asked.... till we really really tired... came tiz person wanting only ru coz she's already 14 yrs old n poor me n ryl still 13... hahaz... but she din wan the job so we went simei to look for more jobs...

reached simei n we asked n asked... ARROGANT PERSON.... attitude problem... feel like shouting at him: u got attitude problem izzit...? but i resisted... noe wad happen...? we filled in the form n waited SO LONG to be entertain! n it seems like the salespersons there imagined us as if we were transparent! n they juz tel us to leave the form there coz their manager not around... okie bout dat.. den came tiz man asking us... HOW OLD R U! in a arrogant or rather "bu gan yuan" tone... so we replied him nicely n he said U ALL NO NID FILL IN LAHZ... 14 yrs OLD WE DUN WAN! i mean it's like cannot also say nicely lo.. like we owe u money liddat... spoil my mood..i put in CAPS coz his tone was liddat... so the 3 of us was sooooooooooooo angry dat we went out tore the form into bits n pieces n threw it into the dustbin... n can i ask HELLO we the man is..? which rank...? he's not the manager! erk... sickenin.. hate tiz kinda ppl... i wouldn't wan to work there either....

nvm... 4get bout dat... went to pet's safari n at least we were happier there coz of those lovely little pets... I LOVE DOGS!!! how i wish i can brin them out of the cage n at least HUG for 5 mins... rabbits are not dat bad either but i thought of my 2 rabbits last time... after which we went up n down to search for acceptable jobs but still to no avail... haiz... now den i noe it isn't easy to find a job especially u haf to c ur shang si lian se... last stop point was at LONG JOHN... I LOVE the manager... erh.. not the one u ppl thingy bout.. let me finish i mean his attitude... at least beta den the previous person.hmph!hahaz... plz take a seat 1st... den came him askin que n dat he says so nicely n well-mannered saying dat if we're havin exams they will excuse us n wadso ever... i mean if u were there u would simply love his attitude... mayb becoz we weren't properly entertained when we asked so many shops... haiz... wad's happenin to those ppl out there...

went hm after dat coz i havin a headache again... but after dat ok liaoz... mayb the sun is the cause... my legs really cannot tahan coz of the dance n the walking of so many places... haiz.. really tired till i wanna slip into my cosy nest n sleep for the whole whole whole day.............. will continue the searching of jobs again... sigh! if only no cca den no nid to b so troubled bout the days or time dat we've to work...

------can i sleep...? st0p distuRbing me! hahaz.... --------

every0ne has his or her loneliness but nobodY can ever understand the lonliness dat sum1 is experiencing... (adapted from a book i read... find it meaningful)

I'm back!!

2004-11-06T23:08:00.000-08:00

heyo ppl.. i'm back!! how're u ppl..? miss me..? hahahahaz

hmm.. went genting for 3 days 2 nite... n wad i can say is tiz trip will never b a wasted trip..

went to the place where we board the coach early in the mornin bout 6 pluz... guess wad..? i saw a familiar face n it turn out to b Jeremy... omg.. so pai seh... hahaz...his family stayed the same hotel too... but din tok to him coz kinda awkward..

the nite b4... i prayed really hard hoping dat i will not feel like vomitting or having headache during the journey as i'm always liddat whenever i travel in a transport for too long... n THANK GOD... nth happen to me for both the going n return journey... 1st day was like nth.. pratically.. walkin n shopping about to find out wad's new in genting.. moreover it was raining on the 1st day so cannot go outdoor to play...

Prayed hard again b4 sleeping on the 1st nite dat the 2nd day would not b a rainy day so dat we can carry on our outdoor activities the next day.. and i woke up the very nxt day to find out dat the sun is shining brightly in the sky... HOW WONDERFUL! so we set off to the THEME PARK n took lotsa thrilling rides wif my dad... they are really soooooooo SPLENDID! the thunder mining train- very fast roller coaster(cool!), the "swing", flying dragon, pirate train... n many others... really EXCITING! den in the afternoon, dark clouds covered the sky n rain was going to b expected... n everytime tiz scenario happen.. i pray n pray n pray.. n MIRACLE happen... hahaz.. really THANK GOD for all the blessings... if it weren't for HIM... i guess i can never enjoy tiz trip... around evening time we went to the snow city... WOW! -6 degree celsius lehz... so cold!!! BRGH...so cold till "smoke" came out of mouth when talkin n nose becum painted red... hahaz... like rabbit... they haf the slides n a round thingy dat we sit on n slide down... hahaz.. there are 2 ice-made castles there.. 1 of them is called lovers castle... really beautiful! took a memorible photo wif the castle n bought the photos... the photographer did a GREAT job as if we were in korea... hahaz...
at nite.. my parents went casino so i stayed in the hotel room alone.. watched the pathetic small television n saw tiz korean drama.. the stairway... quite touching...den i duno y i was so alone dat i thought of lotsa things.. so i practically sit on the bed thinking of stuffs... anyway told myself juz 3 days of peace bahz...

for the last day... check out of hotel at 12...n went to sum booths to buy sumthink back...while waiting for my mum to finish her shopping... i stood at a corner lookin after the lagguage.. then came a man aking me if i knew how to speak mandarin... i said yes n he ask if i could lent him RM$15 as he lost his wallet.. he almost cried out u noe.. OMG! frightenin.. den my dad came n said he couldn't help thinkin dat he might b a cheater or wad... suddenly i thought of the fright i got the day b4.. initially we wanted to go to the haunted adventure.. we went to the booth n looked at the price... i was tokin to my dad n when i looked back to the front.. tiz masked ghost stood rite infront of me!!!! i was like eek... luckily din shout out loud... thought of goin there to play but now blame dat ghost... !!!

we left genting n the driver stopped us at a shop to let us buy thingy... i bought chewing gum(illegal) hahaz... 4 my cousins den the cashier din put it into the bag!!! irritating!!! blame myself 4 not checkin b4 going n wasted dat money... we ate at the restaurant where dey stop us n i saw tiz really HUGE BLACK fish.. wonder if it's a fish or an abnormal creature... SO BIG U NOE!!! eek... very frightening... took a taxi back hm n reach bout 10 pluz almost 11... n the nxt day haf to wake up at 6 pluz to prepare to go 4 dance ... thought of skipping dat lesson but i'm afraid i cannot catch up so juz went... having headache tiz 2 days duno y.. ate painkillers but useless.. haiz.. anyway enjoy the trip!

^ 3 days of peace... isn't tiz wonderful..? ^

eaRly saT

2004-10-30T12:59:00.000-07:00

same routine again... went church wif cheryl again... hmm... but i still cannot find a word to describe the service.. it's great aniwae... but i guess as wad cher says the 4.30 one would be beta.. but too bad can't make it... sigh!

tiz time round no interestin thingy during the long journey frm tampines to boon lay... hmm.. juz duno y both me n cheryl felt so tired when returnin hm n we tok lesser den usual.. notice it cheryl..? but still it's a nice one having to hang out wif her...

bought a crystal like thing frm hugs n kisses as a gift for sum1... on it says Happy Birthday quite nice... like the design...

mon again we haf cca but tiz time round i wun b there... at last break frm dat stressful torturing "game"... not at all easy.. GOLD GOLD GOLD is wad the teacher instructor n instructress want... but it ain't easy at all... so much hardwork is required... got blue-black on my knee every now n den.. sigh! felt like givin up... but still no choice...

2 more days.... going to another place which i really reall like alot... so freed frm all the matters dat happen in tiz place when i go there... so much fun.. juz for tiz 3 days bahz... i wun haf to care so much things for juz tiz 3 days.....

learnt more things in church... REAL... indeed meaningful...

+ a pR0mise is a pR0mise...iT muz not be bRoken +

a faKe 0ne...

2004-10-26T15:15:00.000-07:00

eveRthinG has a staRt and aN eNd to iT whetheR u like iT oR noT.....

thought of sumtink which is real impossible but still it stayed in my mind....

~A RainY daY~
: : : : : : : : : : :
: : : : : : : : : : :

no interhouse competiton.... postpone...

watch movie... everything seems to bore me to death...The School Of Rock...? (hilarious)

long recess... no mood... dun feel like toking...

Pray hard it dun rain tml... wanna haf my relay....

a faKe one.... din meant it...

-----> things aRe haRd to c0mpReheNd sumtimes... <-----

eVeRythinK suddeNly seems s0 dull...

2004-10-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

got to noe my level position 2day n i was so disappointed... i really drop alot... from sec1 i came in as 11 to 2E1 den mid-yr i drop 2 positions to 13 n now 5 positions to 18... no longer animore improvements.. wad's wrong wif me...? haiz... sumhow lack the confidence if i can go into my ideal class nxt yr because of tiz kinda results... even though positions dun determine which class we go to.. i'm still disppointed about my standard tiz time round... duno wad to say but really disappointed...

nothing but disappointment....

mayb i din work hard enuff... but i thought so wad's the use of feeling disappointed now...? everythink is over.. disappointment wun help me to buck up aniwae... but still the feeling of disappointment is unbearable... it lingers in my heart, my mind... every now n den...

wad exactly is wrong wif me....!!???!!!

sudden hatred for myself... wad to do...? everthink over... i hate tiz feeling but still i have to face the truth dat i have dropped.....

_____+ soRry buT i nV wan iT tiZ waY+______

p0em of the daY...

2004-10-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

having a desire to write a poem.... somehow dunno if it works...

I yearn for something really new....
something which can make me view...
the ideals of life...
I hope for someone who cares...
and is there whenever i'm depressed...
But i noe the person is far miles away...
I noe the things dat was once shared will fade away one day...
But always true dat it will stay...
deep in my heart...
I understand dat things will change...
for me have experienced it..
still i strive to change the fact dat things weren't meant this way...
I thank truly for all the care..
and friends who were there
But somehow i noe..... my dreams are still not there ...

===*_* nth is more definite den the real feelings of friendship n love...*_*===

~i nv n0e tiz haRdshiP are unbearable.... if only i was in u shoes... i rather it tiz way~

a daY of life.. hopes.. n pleasures...

2004-10-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

life is plesant when u enjoy everyday...

I enjoy 2day.. do u...?

sch nth to tok bout 2day..as usual...

after sch... it rains... therefore we went to sebestian hse as they planned earlier on... stayed 4 a while n we went to stadium 4 our personal training.... wasn't feeling dat happy b4 the training becoz of the overall combination of the marks 4 EOY... went there n run 3 rounds without much rest.. while running... i kept thinking bout the unhappiness... den after the running... miraculously... everything was gone... became so so so how to say...? erm.. feels really great after the running... den went 2 reservoir wif cheryl.... the "activities" we did there was really really enjoyable... so enjoying dat we tend to 4get lots of those unhappy matters... it really works to vent our frastrations... unhappiness... anger... worry all away... great place eh...? i always go there alone when i'm free/going 4 tuition... i like the peace... i like the living things in the water bobbing up n down n i like the clear water which makes me think dat i'll nv die of thirst...

went hm around 5 pluz.. seriously.. i hope everyday will be like 2day... i dun hope 4 anythink juz some peace given to me.. dat will be enuff... really enuff... but sumhow i noe... 2day tml n ytd r 3 diff kinds of days coz not every1 can b happy everday...

[~:~: memoRies r sumthink dat i'll always chErisH...bAd memoRies wuN b sumthinK gd but t0 me even if they're all baD memoRies i'll chErisH so long the memoRies consisT the lively atmospheRe of mY circlE of cl0sed oN3s... :~:]

wad's d0ne is d0ne... wad can we do..? let bygone b bygone.. dun cry oveR spilled milK...coz it'll nV helP... juZ noe daT we've all woRk haRd...

n0 m0re feelings....

2004-10-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

feelings?

no more....

disappointment fills the whole mind of mine...

tired...Yawn...

not a beli enjoyable day 2day... noeing the results is the utter disppointment eveytime... still having doubt if i can go into my ideal class... sigh...

last min been told last nite dat we're having cca 2day... sianz... everytink seems so lifeless... wad's happening...? going back to cca...? rather go hm n sleep... yawn... SYF nxt year n they're putting so much pressure on us.. wanting us to make them "smell" gold... haiz... so tedious...

marks... i dunn wanna say... let bygone b bygone... but still cannot get over it....

decided to take part in the relay to support GRYPHON... nv ever support my house at all... going to stadium wif ru, eliza, min n ryl tml... to train 4 the oncoming relay... so dat at least can maintain our average standard... going straight after sch tml... hope it works..

=+=+ things will change.... it will...+=+=

Results Results results....

2004-10-20T15:30:00.000-07:00

haiz haiz haiz..... couldn't slp well last nite coz of the worry 4 my results.... noe my el, dnt, sci, maths n hist 2day... 4 hist not exactly everytink coz without section c... haiz haiz... so so so so so disappointed wif everytink except 4 my sci... luckily the standard is still there...

As 4 my maths!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cannot stand it!!!! feel like banging the wall.... i lost several marks coz of careless mistakes..... sobx.... hate it... not enuff time to check n my whole paper is practically rushing through... haiz... not to mention bout my dnt aniwae... so dunn asked... dun "chi ji" me... =(

i dunn understand y each paper took so long to "arrive"... it's like far far too long... haiz... legs numb.. really numb after sitting 4 such a long long long time... haiz...

went hm wif cheryl 2day... aniwae cheryl u did well already... dunn worry too much eh... proud of ur sci marks...? i'm proud of u... heex...=)

try to log in to my blog 2day n it WORKS!!!! yeah yipee....let's party! arh... lame...
still working on my layout 4 the blog... tryin to search 4 nice layout... =)

_____+ Everythink dat's hidden'll b made clear n every secret thing'll b made kn0wn+______

I like tiz verse in the bible...=)

pssT! take note...last mondaY entry..

2004-10-18T15:03:00.000-07:00

it's monday again.. but tiz time special coz we dunn haf to go to sch... MARKING DAY!!! whoo.. wad will the results b...??? BRGH!!!

aniwae cheryl came to my hse in the morning n she stayed till it was time 4 us to go out n meet sum1..

really enjoy the time we spent 2gether.. the funny thing dat we feel so CHEEKY is dat we actually play a trick on 2 persons... muahaha... they're actaully quite stranger to us.. thought they were mr ong's frenz but NO! they're not... omg... aniwae let's c wad happen...

the first person.. Adelene... hehe... she sms me n cheryl at the same time n asked tiz n dat... n we replied the same msg to her... BUT the FUNNY thing is she did not notice bout dat.. after sending so many similar msg to her... she still duno... omg.. wad a funny thing... then so coincidental another person... Yen Chau... sms us... beli coincidental hor... the 2 of them in cahoots 1 rite..? heex... so we played the same trick on them n tiz guy found out n asked us if we 2gether.. we said no.. wanting to play more.. but still in the end tel him the truth lo.. coz he too CLEVER liaoz... hahaz... nice game!

went out at bout 3.10 to meet dat sum1... okie can say nice meeting... but still i can't stand him asking so much que... hahaz... dun shoot que at me mahz... cheryl beli gd... dere dunno doing wad.. building sandcastles in the air... hahaz... haiyo.. found out dat sum1 favourite shopping place is NTUC... hahahaahaz.... hmm... okie... not bad.. hahaz... nice outing... but dat sum1 still duno wad cheryl say in the end... do u..? hahaz... kkz... so sowie dat we made u feel not like a part of us... keke... really enjoy.. THANK U 4 u noe wad... =)

May God Bless You...

2004-10-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

Early in the morning I went to small mac to meet Cheryl dere… den we went on a shopping spree at TM… and the funny tink is after shopping 4 sumtime, we bought nth.. hahaz… but TM really sianz… hahaz.. we decided not to take lunch dere..

Then we went to take the MRT to boon lay… wow! U nv noe h0w long!!!! It takes 4 us to reach dat particular place… feel like sleeping on the train… yawn yawn… heex… when we reach boon lay.. it’s like.. Phew! At last… ! hahaz.. s0 since sum1 forbid us to go early… den we go shop shop lo.. hahaz… n the shopping mall was so big… too big to walk liaoz… haf lunch.. n i hate eating the particular tink… hahaz… hope Cheryl still rmb what happen.. the vegetable n the straw thingy… muahaha…

S0 we went to city harvest church in the end… upon reaching there… a person asked us if we were here to help… not knowing wad happen… he told us to rite our names in the form… what did we do..? hehe… seeing him toking to his duno who… we ran off… hahaz… den mr ong asked us to go level 4… it’s like hahaz… we were juz reading the sign there… n practically standing there… coz we really duno where we’re… s0 lost!! Saw mr ong ltr n he took us to a BIG HUGE place… so stunned dat we dun even noe if dat place was 4 giant or human… hehe… the service was really great! And I found out dat sum1 could actually sing so well.. I thought he only noe how to play balls.. run jump nia.. hehe… (u noe who u’re)… really enjoy the service which brighten up my day…

Den what..? came tiz part whereby mr ong intro his frenz to us… omg… so pai seh sehx..
So awkward… they ask ask ask we ans ans ans.. they tok tok tok we listen listen listen..
Everytink seems so weird n a total stranger to me at dat moment… I was like duno how to speak n so kept on looking at Cheryl hoping she can open her mouth… she was even quieter den me… oh gosh!

We decided to leave n mr ong frenz “song” us to the bus stop.. so awkward again… aiyo… can’t stand it… ok we reach the MRT station at boon lay n we took the train.. AGAIN long long long journey!!! But tiz time beli interesting… coz ppl frm all walks of life n hahaz… beli funni n obseen think happen.. cheryl u noe wad n I noe wad eh.. hahaz… shh..

Ok enuff of dat.. but sumhow sumtink spoil my mood when I reach hm.. I learnt upon dat my brother going 4 NS on Dec 17… 3 days after my birthday… =( I’m gonna miss him.. I’m gonna miss him so much!!! 2 yrs! His presence will be back only after 2 yrs… haiz..
Juz hope it’s not dat tough 4 him… n hope he take gd care of himself…

[ enjoy my day… learnt lots of thinks… really happy..=) Thankz 4 ya company Cheryl.. n mr ong 4 ya invitation… ]

Note: entRy 4 last saturday! =)

ExaM fiNallY oveR.. HooRay!!!!

2004-10-15T19:20:00.000-07:00

yeah yeah yeah!!! thank god exams r over.... finally... heex... back blogging again... tiz few days will b working on my blog... ever since b4 exams my blog is " under construction" hehe.. hmm.. though exams period r over, the worry 4 marks is replacing tiz period... haiz... wonder how i fare... went to "sumo house" at 2 pluz... makan.. ate 1/2 bowl of jap noodles, some sushi n i'm so full till i feel like vomiting... my mother's frenz stil say i eat so little... omg.. i juz cannot stuff another piece... dun intend to eat dinner le... my parents going out to eat n so i stay at hm... so nice having to revert back to "paradise life".. hahaz.. but it's true... heex...

hmm... got so much to tok till i now 4get wad i wanna say.. haiyo... wad i wan to say arh..? think think think...

mayb tiz is wad i like the most... everytink settled between am, at n mt.. thank god i can go back there again... however tml i'll miss it coz i'm going to shop shop wif cheryl... hahaz.. thought of calling ru initially but xh they all ganna go her hse.. so neh mind.. nxt time bahz... heex..

pheW... 2day went out, tml going out... sunday going out again.. yipee!!...

:::''' a wRong seems nV t0 be able t0 cHange c0z it'll always remaiN as a wRong... tiz is waD i noe fr0m the veRy daY a wRong starts... ''':::

lasT blogginG of tiZ weeK...

2004-10-09T19:00:00.000-07:00

will be back only after exams which is on the 15th of oct..

sat...
at last finish my whole process diary of art... juz hope on the actual day there will be sufficient time for me to finish my actual work... wish wish wish...

still trapped wif sum chapters of geog.. but finishing soon.. yeah! den moving on to sci n lit.. learnt finish the short story n poems.. left "the boy"..

hope finger can recuperate fast.. if not mon nid to rite tons of ans 4 geog! at least not so pain liaoz.. but stil hafa bit of blue-black.. =(

memorising things are real hard.. sumtimes it muz depend on whether ur mind wan to cooperate n focus.. juz carry on to work hard everyone.. it'll be over nxt fri.. n every of the hardwork will pay off.. i'm sure.. =)

-*--will miss blogging during tiz period.. b back s00n..-*--

last from: 9/10/2004 t0 14/10/2004

WoRk haRd..!!!

oucH...

2004-10-08T18:33:00.000-07:00

wad a weird title.. heex... my index finger got hurt..=X the ball passed from "dat register duno wad again"! n the ball bent my index finger backwards... actually 2 fingers but now onli the index fingers hurt... mamie!!! mummy...! lolx... dat's the outcome of playing ball... hahaz...but it was really fun! we r not having PE after exam..? y..? hmm.. so weird... mdm fara n mdm fauziah say dat mr singh din come to sch 2day... n so we'll not haf our hist remedial... but i thought alot of us saw him after sch... in 2E5 classroom..??? eyes r not playing tricks coz it's really mr singh.. aniwae we still went hm... coz alot of us already left b4 we knew he actually came... hahaz...

still got a little more of geog to finish up... n den muz read up the maps... mon will be geog paper.. hope i can do well... cl paper 1 is also on mon... n i'm quite worried bout compo.. coz my marks always... uP... dowN... uP... dowN... aiyo.. but at least i passed 4 my daily written compo.. only dat grades r not "gd standard"... heex...

i realise 2day dat alot of ppl from my pri sch noe me but i duno them.. hahaz.. most of them from my pri sch sent a friend request to me at friendster and i dun even realise dey r my ex schmates... so pai seh...

[back to studY agaiN... nxt week onwards no more blogging till 15th... mayb tml will b the last post... ]

ThuRsdaY m0Rning, afTeRn00n, eveNing N nigHt,,,

2004-10-07T16:29:00.000-07:00

so fast.. it's thurs now... sumwhere tiz time nxt week we'll be almost freed frm examinations... looking forward to dat day without animore STRESS...

hmm... decided to brush up more on the revision 4 geog n hist.. coz it's more of memorising... sumtimes half-way through... can really fell asleep... hahaz... but wad to do..? tiz r the BORING subjects daT we haf to learn n noe "boringly"...

lolx... she came in 2day n ask sum1 to sweep the floor... as if she's like hiring a "maid" to clean up certain area... feels like bashing her up sumtimes coz she always tel us to do tinks which no1 tells us to do as if she stands an impt role in our class... sianz..

duno y feel so tired 2day... as if no more strength to do animore tinks... wad is happening..? ever since morning when i woke up i've been so lethargic... orh having "exam sickness"...

:::::::::~~~*i wisH juZ a little m0re m0menT whicH can be sPaRed nxT time*~~~:::::::::

sum1 beli GOOD!

2004-10-06T20:07:00.000-07:00

1st of all i wanna clear my "guilt"... MR ONG!!! i nv ask a guy if he likes me lehz... i'll NV do dat... cher u GD arh... i going to make sure i wiN u... hehe...

duN geT too moodY if not will affecT a lot of ppl... especially me! coz later i nv get to compete wif u... hahaz... joking...

done arT again... at last at final design... phew... so tired... take into mY sleeping time den i cannot haf enuff slp... yawn yawn...

luckily 2day dun haf hist remedial if not really cannot finish wad's nid to b done 4 the art... gd timing dat the cher got meeting... hehe...

revise geog again... cum mon n we'll be having geog paper.. hope my brain "megabytes" is sufficient... hahaz...

Cheryl: seriously dun ask bout the no... juz noe can le.. u'll noe in future.. hahaz... actually u noe onli now becum so mani ppl noe.. lolx... dun sad bout dat tink lost k..? i'll help u look out de... smile galz...! I like ur smile n not ur glum look eh..

2004-10-05T18:45:00.000-07:00

buzz buzz buzz... here cum the bee...! eek i hate bees... i tink not to mention... i actually cried during pri sch when i was in P3 coz a BUMBLE bee was at my uniform! the yellow-black! eek... initially i thought it's a fake one... BUT who noe it's wings can MOVE!!!! waaaaaaaaaaaaa.... sobx sobx... and i rmb a prefect help me shoo it away... but i 4gottenwho he is... =X so frm den on i HATE bees n is scared of BEES... but sumhow juz wanna use tiz term to describe abt me 2day.. real busy.. came hm eat a bit den went to do the hist assignment 2day... den do the art preparation as usual which is supposed to be finished by thurs 4 mrs alfie to c... left a bit more and i'm done! yeah! den wad's nxt..? i got to collect sum papers frm my frenz at nite.. went hm again to revise sum subjects... wow... wad a day... feel like juz dozing off and dunn wake up till i slp all i want BUT cannot exams drawing nearer n nearer... haiz... yawn yawn... >_<

<>

* EnglisH eX@m!!!!! s0 difficulT... OMG*

2004-10-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

it's el paper 2day... s0 difficult... haiz.. n0 more confidence.. so sad...wad to do..? so scared wun be able to do well.. =(

sumhow duno y we muz haf cme exam... no marks counted in overall... den y muz exam on cme..?

Haiz... muz do well 4 the rest of the papers... studied hist n pratice maths 2day... still more revision coming up..

jac: sweet of u to send dat greeting to me last nite.. tkz...brother
Xuan Hui, Yiru, Cheryl, sy n many frenz: thankz so much 4 ur encouragement too.. so nice having u ppl as my frenz..
Mr ong: thank u 4 dat formal invitation.. hahaz.. woo.. on stage.. wad doing u lehz.. singing..? dancing..? hahaz.. can imagine.. keke.. city harvest sound so familiar.. i tink i got sum frenz dere..
sum1 seems so busy marking.. ke lian u.. cher dunn too stressed also arh.. happy marking!
mY 2 godsis: congratulations u got selected to be a pRefect! woRk haRd!

off to revise in my own mini world...

[i regRetted asKing daT peRs0n.. if onlY i diN asK deN i wuN be daT disppOinted.. h0w i wisH tim3 caN go bacK t0 daT juNcture n i shall tak3 bacK mY words c0z n0 matteR wad i'll n0T n0e the answeR]

n0t the daY i'll b3 oNline.. duN miss me.. hahaz

2004-10-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

erm.. it's 11:36pm now... it's the same day ... 2nd oct.. juz came back frm the wedding dinner... quite like the "sweet atmosphere" wif ppl around.. even though i dun like to attend formal dinner.. hahaz... the bride is so beautiful! wow... hahaz.. rmb the part where the "yam seng" begin.. hahaz... they slow down then catch 4 breath... quite hilarious... hehex.. i LOVE my little baby cousin... she's so CUTE!!!! 2 yrs old pluz... she call me "jie jie"... so haPpY!!! hahaz... she so chubby.. feel like pinching her...hehe... she used to b a cry baby but now so ACTIVE!! i was so tired chasing her round n round n round.. i rmb tiz yr new yr my frenz came n den we played cards den she suddenly "pop" sit on my frenz legs..(ru..) hahaz.. so CUTE!!! she likes to play balls.. hahaz.. so my cousin they all lure her by saying dat if she goes hm wif them, they will gib her balls to play n chocolates to eat.. cheat little kids only.. hahaz... went to the restaurant n saw those "display fishes"(alive) but looks dead.. hahaz.. my little cousin keep pointing pointing... den i carried her to let her c the fishes on top which she cannot c... wow.. she's really t00 CUTE!!! hahaz.. big big hug to her*... heex.. i guess she'll be a beli cute n pretty galz when she grows up.. hehe... tiz entry is to make up 4 tml coz i wun be online.. preparation 4 exams in progress... dun miss me lehz.. hahaz.. kiddin..i'll definitely miss u ppl pluz ur msgs on my tag board.. bwai! GOOD LUCK TO ALL MY FELLOW FRENZ!!! work hard! (jia you!!!)

:::: i'm off 4 preparatioN.. feeling s0 f0Rmal 2daY.. hahaz ::::

going 4 a wedding dinneR....

2004-10-02T04:40:00.000-07:00

going to a wedding dinner 2day at 7.30pm.. the thing i noe is dat one of my relative is getting married but i duno who he is.. lolx... hahaz.. cannot blame coz i duno my grandma brother's side.. saw dem b4 during chinese new year duno who them so i duno how to address them.. den my grandma tell me to address dem so address lo.. hahaz... seriously i duno who they are... sumhow i dunn like to go for formal dinner... duno why.. hahaz... slept at abt 11 plus ytd n woke up at exactly 1am... sudden pain... den cannot sleep...i guess it's gastric pain.. coz i din eat breakfast n lunch ytd n den till abt 10 plus at nite den i ate a little for my dinner.. duno y i dunn feel like eating.. no appetite.. den woke up at 7 2day to go 4 mdm fauziah's hist lessons all becoz mr singh is always on medical leave... hope my hist can remain my "old standard".. came hm n did the dnt thingy... i HATE dnt!!!! it's always so "praticaL"... so sick of doing the design folio... juz hope i got into my ideal stream nxt yr n i dun haf to learn dnt animore... hehe...

*2 more daYs... tim3 seems to paSs s0 fasT.. buT th3 memoRies will alWays staY in mY heaRt*