: : thE tRacE of mY lifE : :

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Lord, grant me a quiet heart before the exams start
Lead me to use my leisure hour to invigorate your power
My mind from day dreams liberate
Give me the will to concentrate
From all distractions
Set me free that in my studies
I may be a student with sole fulfillment
To make my work a sacrament

From my faint heart in love expel
All failure, fears that here indwell
And from my pillow drive away
All foreboding of the day
Help me in faith to rest so deep
That i may have untroubled sleep
While notes and lessons I prepare
May I not lose my zeal in prayer

May i not forget to look
For guidance in Thy Book
And may I ever be grateful to all
Who daily pray for me
For myself I intercede for other students too I plead
So may exams find me alert in heart and mind

Thus inward Joy and Peace possessing
May exams prove a source of Blessings

=A student's prayer=

*juZ shariNg.. it's useful for the future examinations!

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dancing under showers of happiness!
7:19 PM

Monday, May 16, 2005

went out to celebrate mothers' day wif my cousins n other relatives on sat at TM... wasn't sure bout the name but i think it's "Din Tai Fung"... dunno lahx... well... get to c my lovely cute baby cousin again... she gave me a hug n a KISS! wooo... (='.'=) blushinG... hahax... but was so surprised... den i taught her a word call p-i-n-e-a-p-p-l-e.. lolx... coz she was wearing the shoe wif a pineapple on it u c... den the way she says pineapple is so cute... hahx... wished i could spend more time wif her... but my aunt got home after dat... so too bad... went shopping after dat... bought a bag for the camp... i find my bags at home too small... lolx..

den u noe wad...? sunday the next day n once again we went out to eat.. this time is only me, brother n mum... coz my brother wanted to bring my mum out last sun but becoz i gotta sit for exams u c... we went Meritus Mandarin Hotel...(orchard) it's at level 39 ... whoosh... n i tell u wad... the platform juz turn slowly... i was wondering y the water in the glass was shaking... n becoz i sat in the opposite direction.. i mean not the direction dat the platform thingy was moving so i felt real giddy... makes me feel like vomitting... well.. i'm juz useless... be in on bus for long or even cruise... i'll juz be car-sick n so on... erkS... the food was real ex... a small glass of orange juice can cost $7.50... but nvm my brother rich arhx... lolx..

2 days continuosly... guess i'll grow fat... hahx..

was giving dat sum1 a last msg.. so after which unless necessary i'll not sms dat person anymore... sumtimes i tot y b so thick-skinned when dat person dunn even bother... n as usual was disppointed wif all those replies.. arhx.. forget it... i'm done wif teh letter.. left the wrapping of the thing n another gift for the bd... guess i'll juz pass directly... n den after which i'll nv bother u again...

was thinking of wad wei said ytd... perhaps she's rite... we nv noe wad is happening... at times we're juz out dere to console ourselves n not wanting to face the fact... had a dream juz now... it's early in the morning i guess.. guess i'm putting too much into this matter if not i wouldn't dream abt this... n now the dream makes me more determined... i'm determined this time... perhaps the dream seemed true in sum way...

will pass u the thing very soon.. i rather things settled fast den to drag over a period of time...

++ to foRgeT n buRy everYthiNg insidE.... ++

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dancing under showers of happiness!
12:31 PM

Saturday, May 14, 2005

exams r over n i'm finally back here... miss me..? lolx... nv miss also muz sae miss arhx.. if not i beri sad de... CrapS.... i hadn't been crappy for long so juz let me be ya..?

everythink dat was put aside during the exam period now nid to b pushed back to my side again...

still thinking back of those things....i hate myself for not being able to let go those stuffs n ended up in such a despair state... sumtimes when u really mean well for sum1 n wanted the best of him/her... he/she juz doesn't noe... i tot my dat sumbody will understand my intention but i was wrong... y... y muz it be u who's making me so miserable...? sigh... i wonder y i still keep dat useless-to-other-ppl thing wif me... sigh... but at least i noe it wasn't at all useless to me... coz it keeps me back to those times when those memories stay n i rmb how i got to take hold of dat "useless thing"... sumtimes when i m really mad, or rather too disppointed.. i juz feel like throwing it again... but i can't bring myself to do so... i noe my "useless thing" in exchange isn't wif dat person anymore... for it meant nth to dat person... well... take it as i'm very negative sided... but juz to say i noe dat person too well till i can juz give an accurate prediction of wad's going to happen...

wondering wad i'm tokin abt...? or rather can guess wad i'm tokin abt...? haishh.. dunn wanna disclose coz lotsa ppl will ask... i dunn like the feeling of being questioned actually... juz dat i can no longer tolerate the 4ever disappointment feeling in me so i gotta splurt things here.. ignore me for dat...

was thinking bout wad sum1 says previously n i found it real true... y the ending is always becumin foe..? i dunn wan it to b tiz way so i chose to be THICK-SKINNED n do those things dat i nv once do for anyone else... i meant well... but since dat sum1 doesn't noe... forget it... i'm tired of everythink for so many yrs... i shld juz wrap dat useless thing up n pass it back to u... n by den u receive it... i dunn wish for anythink else... juz u realisin dat my useless thing in exchange isn't wif u anymore... u'll noe how much i treasure dat... sigh

i shld haf given u back long time ago... sry for everythink...

This time i wun hesitate... i'll juz giv u back wad's meant to b urs n not mine...

still the same old phrase: ever sinCe the daY u werE goNe... i juZ felt liKe a nobodY....

==i shld juZ let bygoNes be bygonEs for thE pasT will nV returN no matteR how muCH i yeaRn for it to returN... everyThinK has cHanged... u'rE no loNger thE one i noe... n i'm no longeR thE one u noe..... ==

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dancing under showers of happiness!
10:59 PM

Sunday, April 24, 2005

wad's happening to me lately...? ppl once asked if i was ok n i told dem i was fine... m i really fine..? i myself haf no ans to dat.... i found out dat i no longer understands myself... wad izzit dat i actually wanted...? n wad izzit dat i hated...? i have no ans to them...

i noe no one will noe wad i'm toking bout here but dat's becoz i dunn wanna disclose... well.. the speech day works well... happy for everyone when mrs shanker came in n said we did a great job... can i say b4 dat was like a "dark circus"...? i dunno...

they mean well.. i thank dem for dat... shld i say i'm foolish to trace back the past footsteps..? or rather i din noe in the first place i was heading towards the wrong way...

wrote in DD lotsa things dat flashed thrugh my mind... was it juz an act in the first place or a sincere concern..? i really wonder... so much hopes in me has wither... i dunno y... i'm beginning to realise the trick out of everythink... n i'll nv nv believe in it again becoz it takes so much time so much pain to....

==== drEams n0 loNgeR aliVe.... ====

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dancing under showers of happiness!
4:32 PM

Saturday, April 16, 2005

sianz. cannot go blogging again.. cannot go online again... my com is real sick... wait till i change u den u noe... erm.. talking to my com.. lolx...

well previously lotsa things happen till i forget wad i wann rite here... lotsa of u heard bout the gold award dat we achieve yea..? well.. we were real shocked... i even shouted upon hearing the news frm lala... n now lotsa ppl was like dunn believe we got tiz kinda standard... sigh.. nvm lahx... our hardwork for abt 1 yr..? pays off...

training hard for speech day n another item wif the malay dance... tell u wad we gotta use pong pong sehh.. will b like clown on stage..? haishh... c how things go on the actual day den..

well... i've got such a feeling dat i dun wanna go back in time again.. wad for...? there's ppl who knows u but choose not to know u... there's ppl who juz put on a mask n hide their real identity... i choose to rmb every single one of u... but u ppl choose not to... so after all i'm juz a thick-skinned one... a stranger n a nobody... so sad to noe dat i've made the wrong palx from dat period of 6yrs in sch life... sigh... no matter wad i'll still rmb u ppl... dat's y i nv wanna let go anyone of u frm the very beginning... i choose to b closer to u ppl .. taking every opportunity to hang out once in a while but everythink seems so cold... the once sweet looking gurlx has changed.. my once dearest "mama" has changed... n my dearest best friends from dat period of time have gone... no longer call me... no longer send greeting cards, or write letters... it's always me taking the initiative to call to rite n to send... nvm... perhaps now.. i can only treasure those i have.... juz a simple simple fact....

going for buffet at 5pm ltr... to celebrate we getting the gold award... well... hope it'll b enjoyable dere...

* daYs roTten... caN nV be thE freSh perioD anYmore.... GoodbyE memoRies.... *

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dancing under showers of happiness!
12:04 PM

Sunday, April 10, 2005

sigh.. it's SYF tml... juz hope everythink runs smoothly... will pray hard tnite..

we gotta tie plaits to sch tml... makes me feel so unwilling to go to sch... sigh... will be like hoping dat dere's a hole sumwhere i can place my head inside... haishh... will b waking up real early tml.. imagine me still half awake...? tying my hair..? yawN...

came online juz now n many juniors of mine wished me gd luck! hahx... duno wad to say... coz.. nvm... tkz for tht tot anyway...

gotta leave class at 9.15 sharp tml... will miss class... n me.. dunn at all feel any sense of anxiety... juz too sick of the dance... but will do my best...

nth much tday... will juz stop here den... gd luck to all for the SYF!

==aloNg thE roaD i fouNd obstaclEs aND alonG the obstacles, i found u... == a tRue frenz?

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dancing under showers of happiness!
4:40 AM

Friday, April 08, 2005

it's friday once again... din noe y time passed so fast without me realising dat soon mon will be here soon... it's SYF on mon... we'll b leaving class at 9.15am... GOOD LUCK to us...? hahx... no such nid... coz most of us haf given up... i hate the feeling or thought to give up but has no choice either.. well since having comments mean talking to the wall... y bother..?

GOLD award...? wait till nxt 2 yrs when we've graduated and starting our first yr in either poly or JC.. so dunn haf to pin the hopes on us... coz miracles will nv happen tiz time round... even if it does, juz like wad dat sickening instructor says: " the judge has no taste at all" well... let it b den... be happy dat we can get a bronze award back... we'll nv do as well as the past 2yrs... NV..

dat sickening instructor din cum 2 teach tday which i WAS really happy about... at least my day wouldnt b spoiled by this... came our previous one and at least he treats us beta which really made it a day when we were willing to practice hard... n yes i mean WAS in bold... coz tml dat sickening monster will b back again... n so unless it strikes 1pm, dunn expect urself to b release from "prison"... sigh... forget it.. cum speech day n we'll revert back to the previous steps which we really like b4 he changed and after dat we wun b having cca till july... which i doubt initially coz those words dunn at all seemed trustworthy to me frm the very beginning... coz the same thing always repeat itself be it holidays or wad... gotta rmb to bring the "bandage" for me knee tml.. b4 more damage is done to my knee.. hopefully i'll rmb...

was feeling so tired for the whole day.. kept yawning... n ppl tot i was crying.. lolx.. to tell u i dunn at all love crying kkiex...? lolx.. makes it sound as if i'm a cry baby... ='( well.. physics lesson.. ms neo was calling yvonne to ans e que n i was like listening to wad ting was saying den repeating or rather copying after her n ms neo heard it... she says: yvonne absent..?! oops shldnt have said it rite infront of her den she asked wads my name n was so pai sehh lo... ppl in particular keep calling me princess... alamak... den ms neo also call... haishh... din ans the que coz i duno how to... Mary kept calling my chi name... sianz... n me juz refuse to reply her.. lolx.. i juz dunn like my chi name... so dunn take it to heart worx...

will b busy buying presents this few days... too many ppl bd fall on april... wahh... me going bankrupt... lolx...

=::: msN niCk: wHy botHer bouT me whEn u'vE alreadY decidEd to ignoRe me frM the veRy begiNning....:::=

dEn i began to realisE everytHink waS juZ a "passeR-bY"

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dancing under showers of happiness!
9:10 AM